I am allowed

Today I am allowing myself to be emotional. I’m scared of things to come. I’m scared to go to work. I’m scared of what this isolation can mean for my patients health. Mental and physical.

We all put a brave face forward. I try hard to do as much paying it forward type things as possible these days because you never know what kind of days people are having.

I wish everyone was allowed to watch what COVID does to people’s bodies so they would understand why to stay home.

I get irrationally mad when I see parks full. Church’s full. All I can think is that one of them will be my next patient that I have to take care of while they die alone because of selfishness. Could be their own selfish decision or there roommate. Their kid or significant other.

It makes me feel worse for those that got it even though they did everything they can to avoid it.

I’m scared of how my coworkers and I will feel when one of us comes back positive for it. No matter how much precaution we take, we are still continually exposed.

I’m allowed to be scared today. Then I will take a deep breath, get out of my car and walk through those doors into the madhouse for my 12 hour shift.

14 thoughts on “I am allowed

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  1. You are indeed Superheroes! I too cannot understand the inconsiderate actions of a few which may endanger lives, and for what? I’m not in the « at risk » category but many of my neighbours in my block of flats are, therefore I’m uber cautious, not just for me but also for them.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. i had an electronic conversation with a past coworker who is, as a friend of mine calls “holy holy.” they were just checking in about me and to bring me up to date about my old work place. i asked if they were afraid since they have contact will sick people. they said, “no. as god will protect me from them.” i then asked, but who protects them from you? they have yet to answer.

    staff safe and well. get as much rest as you can.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Superheroes is sometimes not a good enough word for what those on the frontline are doing every f#$king day right now. I know, more than some, without being on the frontline, what it looks like….what it feels like to be the patient and knowing everytime I ask for a refill on my water, I’m putting you and fellow staff at risk. Thank you….from the bottom of my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. To echo the above, while I hate that you have to feel like this it’s more than allowed and more than understandable. I’d also like to say kick ass, superhero! Please stay as safe & well as possible  ♥ ♥ ♥

    Liked by 2 people

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