Tis this season too

Seasonal depression timing is coming. Are you doing the things that you need to do to prepare for it? Are you making sure that you are planning things that you will actually follow up and do? Here are some of the things that I do to prepare.

First off, I allow myself to know that it is perfectly acceptable to have down days to do nothing. It is ok to have days that running laundry through the washer and dryer are considered productive. Reading a good book is productive. Watching movies and allowing your feelings to fall out of your eyes is productive. SOMETIMES. However, not all the time. Not when it is day after day after day.

Personally, I like to bake during the colder months. So I start a Pinterest folder for the things I want to bake this year. Since it helps me feel like I was productive and gives me a momentary smile I consider it a win. Even though I will never look at it again.

So then I print out the few that I may actually make since it now shows a different level of seriousness. This may or may not work, but it sure makes me feel like it will.

These last few years I have chosen to start a new gym routine in the beginning of December so that I already have a routine set in my mind before all of the ‘resolutioners’ bear down on the local gyms. There is nothing worse then trying a new routine when you are climbing around a bunch of fresh and clean gym members who talk too much while they stare at every move you make thinking if they watch hard enough they could remember each and every step. They won’t, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. Would you like a little piece of advice from someone who has been enduring torture as my self care routine for a few years? It’s ok to watch for motivation, but we know the difference between someone being creepy vs someone with honest intent to learn.

Now, does that mean that my routine won’t get shook up during the first six weeks of the year before they drop like flies? Nope not at all. It will absolutely get shook up. The difference is that now I am in the mindset of getting through it so that the work I put in wasn’t a waste. When I started the routine I gave myself a goal. Inches off the measuring tape in a certain problem area, or a pair of jeans that I want to fit in. Sometimes it is as simple as how I want my arms to look in a bridesmaids dress that I know someone is making me wear. Whatever it is, I want those results.

There is a feeling that you get when you set a goal, push through the bullshit and get the results. It is unmatchable by any amount of laziness, or comfort food. That makes me move. Is that enough for you?

The last thing that I do is make sure that I feel out where the people I live with are at with their mental health. Sometimes it can’t be about me. Sometimes I have a child struggling and instead of allowing myself to wallow, I now need to be watching them and keeping them moving instead. That changes from year to year of course, but if I am not prepared for it then there is a lot of scrambling. I can handle my boat being rocked a bit of course (well, hopefully) but there have been years that it comes so far out of left feild when I wasn’t ready that it blows me out of the water.

That’s going to happen sometimes I suppose, but if I can make it to where it isn’t EVERY year then I feel like I am winning the battle.

Do you have a plan?

Are they worth it?

Addiction and the recovery from it is a lengthy process that is super daunting when you face it alone. Yet so many people don’t have any other choice.

More often then not they are dealing with it alone because they have pushed everyone away with their behaviors.

Here is Alcohol Anonymous’s 12 step program. These are the steps every addict has to go through. Some skip a few or don’t do them in order, however they are all significant.

These steps can easily be adapted to any addiction process. Drinking, Drugs, sex, eating, Etc.

No one is perfect. I am surrounded by addicts of all sorts, in varied states of recovery. Some I had to give up on. Some I stayed too long. Some are worth the fight.

The 12 Steps, as outlined in the original
Big Book and presented by AA are:

1. Admitting powerlessness over the addiction

2.Believing that a higher power (in whatever form) can help

3. Deciding to turn control over to the higher power

4. Taking a personal inventory

5. Admitting to the higher power, oneself, and another person the wrongs done

6. Being ready to have the higher power correct any shortcomings in one’s character

7. Asking the higher power to remove those shortcomings

8. Making a list of wrongs done to others and being willing to make amends for those wrongs

9. Contacting those who have been hurt, unless doing so would harm the person

10. Continuing to take personal inventory and admitting when one is wrong

11. Seeking enlightenment and connection with the higher power via prayer and meditation

12. Carrying the message of the 12 Steps to others in need

Goals achieved

This year I made the decision to step outside of my comfort zone. The goal was to be more social since the last few (ahem ok maybe ten) years were dedicated to child rearing and family building.

I was NOT dissapointed!

I have gotten to meet some of the best people! From other creative souls, to fellow introverts pushing themselves to open up, all the way to those open minded no filter folks that have taught me more then I expected.

Sometimes change is needed guys. This keyboards allow us to be fierce on our platform, but too many of us use it to hide behind.

Make a decision to step out of your comfort zone, even a little.

You won’t regret it.

Which one are you?

What is the meaning behind saying someone is toxic to you? Understanding those around you that are toxic to you, or that you may be toxic to, is important. There are certain personalities that simply overpower others. This isn’t always changable either. Those are the ones that hurt the most because walking away may end up being the best answer for everyone involved.

I read an article about this so I am going to pop in a few of their experts explanations.

“People with toxic qualities are master manipulators, skilled liars, and great actors,” Thomas says. “They can be hiding everywhere.”

Irwin describes a person with toxic qualities as anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally — someone who basically brings you down more than up.

“You may begin to feel dependent on him or her for their opinion, doubting your own,” she says.

“They can be draining and leave you emotionally wiped out,” Thomas says. “They want you to feel sorry for them and responsible for all their problems— and then fix these problems too.”

Article can be found https://greatist.com/live/dealing-with-a-toxic-person#So,-what-exactly-makes-a-person-toxic?

Worldwide Beatiful

Take a moment and feel these lyrics. Then go search the video if you can. ❤

White churches, black churches
Different people, same hearses
It’s kinda hard to fight with each other
Laying down in the ground, six under
At every show I see my people
They ain’t the same, but they’re all equal
One love, one God, one family

You’re missing every color
If you’re only seeing black and white
Tell me how you’re gonna change your mind
If your heart’s unmovable
We ain’t that different from each other
From one to another, I look around
And see worldwide beautiful

Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God
Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God
Coast to coast, city to city
Reach out your hands if you’re with me
Still got some work but we still got a dream
Every shade, every heart come together and sing
Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God (woo)

You’re missing every color
If you’re only seeing black and white
Tell me how you’re gonna change your mind
If your heart’s unmovable
We ain’t that different from each other
From one to another, I look around
And see worldwide beautiful

One love, one God, one family (one family, y’all, c’mon)
One love, one God, one family
One love, one God, one family
One Love, one God, one family (sing it with me)

You’re missing every color
If you’re only seeing black and white
Tell me how you’re gonna change your mind
If your heart’s unmovable (we’re not that different)
We ain’t that different from each other
From one to another, I look around
And see worldwide beautiful
Look around and see worldwide beautiful (so beautiful)

Look around and see worldwide beautiful
(Worldwide beautiful)
(Worldwide beautiful)
(Worldwide beautiful)
Look around and see worldwide

beautifulSource: LyricFindSongwriters: Jordan Mark Schmidt / Kane Brown / Ryan James Hurd / Jordan Schmidt / Ryan Hurd / Shy Carter

No questions

There are a few things I have learned in life, without needing to randomly question it.

Here is the most important.

Everyone needs to have that group of people that they can just unload on without worry. Sometimes its just one person, sometimes its ten of them.

Life without them however is not ok.

They stand by you when you go through a breakup. They are right there when you fail that test, again. They don’t judge when you drop plans because you aren’t in mood (unless you do that too much.) They just get you. They don’t hesitate to call or show up at the wrong time.

They know that life brings high points, laughter, and great memories.

They also know that there will be bad times. Low times. Bad diagnoses, deaths, tears and heartbreak’s.

And yet they stay, through all of it.

Those people are vital. ❤

Golden rule

It seems as though these last few years has brought out the asshole in everyone doesn’t it?

Everyone seems to have forgotten to have a filter on what they say to other’s. What’s worse is the excuses they use to explain away the bad manners!

Sure we all have different opinions. These opinions come from life experiences, stories we’ve heard from people we know as well as online sources/news stations.

I respect that. I respect your opinion. I respect your decisions. I applaud you for standing for who and what you believe in.

HOWEVER!

When the hell did that give them the right to tear down others that don’t agree wholeheartedly?

Who says what you believed in was the end all for every human being? Why would they not be able to have their own opinions?

Who the hell do these people think they are, honestly?

Little piece of advice

To all beings that are able to read this blog….

Don’t be an asshole!

This doesn’t seem like the hardest thing to accomplish right? Excluding specific experiences that deserve that response of course.

I mean in general. More specifically to what brought me to this topic I will acknowledge that I really mean in a relationship.

When a person has chosen you, and you have chosen them, to build a life with, why would you wreck that by being petty? It’s one thing in the beginning before things get too serious, however years down the road when there is so much invested.

Houses, kids, cars, pets or the simple peice of paper that you both stood up and signed in front of witnesses. Any combination of those listed options works too.

When you can not choose to respect your partner, to CHOOSE your partner every day, in almost any situation then there is a problem.

(Disclaimer before people come at me- I believe in choosing yourself and possibly your children first all of the time. I am in no way speaking of situation that involves people safety, physical or mental.)

I AM however speaking about cheating. If you are unhappy in your relationship, leave. If you are unsatisfied in your relationship, speak with your partner about what could change. If you settled for any reason whatsoever, and you meet The One, and you are sure, leave your relationship.

If you are the one switching from one social media site to another constantly because your partner is catching on, I am speaking to you.

If you are the one deleted texts, calls, DM’s, or changing peoples names in your phone to not get caught, I am talking to you.

If you just can’t help yourself from going to the bar, flirting with people and taking things too far, I am talking to you.

I am sick and tired of having to pick people up mentally, morally and yes sometimes physically because you suck as a human.

You are pathetic and do not deserve the people who dedicated stretches of time to you.

Do better. Be better. Better yet, go the f*** away.

Burn that sh*t to the ground

Forgiveness mode has been in affect for me this last few weeks. This is something that I come in and out of every few months so this time I chose to force myself to stay out to deal with itm instead of running to hide the way I normally do when it gets too deep.

The best thing is that there is always new things to forgive yourself for! Especially when you’re a hot mess like me. Forever throwing new things into that basket of things to work through.

My current favorite thing to do on this journey is actually a well used method that I brought back. The good old trusty empty notebook that I sit down with. After searching my whole house for actual writing utensil that aren’t for my children’s homework, I find the most comfortable spot in the house. I turn on some back ground music that won’t distract me.

And then I sit there. Drawing a damn blank. Every time.

However after a forced start that lasts the whole front of the first handwritten page I tend to unleash. I find myself finding out which way is the best to let whatever feelings out.

Sometimes it is written as if I am speaking, or yelling, at the person that is affecting me the most.

Sometimes I am berating myself for the dumb move that I made at some point.

For a long time it was written to the people that died. Whether they died because of natural causes or suicide. Whether I was yelling at them for leaving me, or I was telling them the newest thing that I feel they missed out on.

I write until I honestly feel like I have nothing more to say about it for the day. I make sure that I am honest and frank. I say the things I can’t say out loud. Don’t hold back. Write as if no one will ever have the chance to read it.

And then I rip it out of the notebook, walk outside and burn it. Safely of course. All in the name of safety.

But burn that shit. To the ground. Let it turn into ashes that the wind will send flying through the air.

Imagine those feelings flying away are little chips off the block that is building up and getting in your way.

And breathe.

Reality bites

The reality of being a survivor is something that strikes me a lot.

The honest fact is that ‘survivor’ means something different to everyone makes that sentence bring something different to every readers mind.

The basic definition of the word is simple.

• A person who survived, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died.
• The remainder of a group of people or things
• A person who copes well with difficulties in life

Definition’s in the dictionary are great but it always feels different. They never seem to be able to describe what to expect the feelings to be.

That said I can’t even begin to explain how it feels different depending which thing I am feeling like I am a survivor from that day. That sounds crazy even to me.

But when it comes down to it, I am a survivor of a whole list of different things. As is every person alive.

That list can seem daunting but that needs to be something I chose to focus on in the near future to make sure that any of my past damage does not creep up to affect my future.

The biggest thing about being a survivor however is learning to move past it. Past the trauma. Past the events. Past the guilt. Past the feelings. Past the judgement. Past the pity. Past the expectation of what it should have been. Past the expectation of what could have been.

I think that is the hardest part. It doesn’t matter what type of ‘event’ happened. It’s the idea of forgiving yourself for letting it happen. Forgiving yourself for expectations. Forgiving yourself for not seeing it coming. Forgiving yourself for not getting over it as fast as people think you should. Or even as fast as you think you should.

Be kind to yourself. Accept the reality of it. It is your domain. It is your safe space. It will always be overwhelming. Break it down into peices. Handle the peices in the best way possible… for YOU.