So now what

Now what?

That’s the only thought I have for this summer in the year following the Covid shutdown. Last year we did our part and stayed home or out of places more often then not. We made sure we wore masks and had a very realistic fear of the ‘what if’ seeing as I work healthcare and saw this from a different very deadly point of view.

However as a parent who’s children virtually learned all year so we didn’t get sucked into the quarentined bubble off and on, my kids need the outside world more then ever.

Every adult in my family has been vaccinated so I should be able to not worry as much going in and out of these places right? Yet I’m not sure.

It has nothing to do with false media junk, or the pressures of the world fear mongering me so please refrain from commenting about that OR the negative opinions of the vaccines. Yes I am asking out loud on social media platforms, so your opinion is valid to respond with I just don’t want the disrespect to outweigh the honest communications. I do respect your choice for you and yours, just please show the same respect here if you chose to comment.

Are you out and about? Indoor and outdoor? Still masking?

❤ Much love to you all. ❤

Reality vs bliss

I recently learned that they now say September is the month of recovery. They call it National Recovery Month. For a whole month they talk about people bottoming out to the lowest of the lows and finding ways to recovery, and stay recovered. They embrace that this is a disease that will never go away for them and that this is a battle that they will always face. One that they could relapse easily with just one wrong decision. They speak about the steps that addicts will have to take to get clean, stay sober and make the right decisions day after day.

I applaud every move that they make in the process of teaching everyone that addiction is a disease. Yes there are choices being made, but in the end it is a disease. Addiction hurts everyone, not just the addict. Those people that are around the addict didn’t get to make the choice which makes this disease one of the most heartbreaking diseases I think I have ever seen. I love that they made a national month for it because it shows how much progress that they have made in attempting to show addicts and those people around them that we realize that it is a disease. It won’t heal the hurts, it won’t right the wrongs. It will however get us closer to understanding how to help and possibly prevent it from happening more.

This month marks the birthday of my cousin who died last year, from complications from addiction. I have spent 10 months ignoring his death. You see, he had recently gone to work and live at an inpatient recovery center that helped sober him up the year prior. That was the first place that actually kept him sober longer than a few months. He fell in love with the surrounding, he just hated being so far away from all of us. It’s very easy to just trick your mind into thinking that is the reason I haven’t seen him. For a while I stopped using the platform that I spoke with him the most this last few years (Snapchat). We had switched to that so we could keep a streak while we show each other the scenery and the kids to make us both feel like we were still a daily part of each others lives.

Now in a months time it will be his first birthday in heaven along with the one year anniversary. Seems like I am going to have to accept the realistic side of things.

Music lets you run away

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away

From the pain you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere

And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night


Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I’ll run from you

This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh, tainted love
Tainted love


Now, I know I’ve got to
Run away, I’ve got to
Get away
You don’t really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I’m sorry, I don’t pray that 

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh, tainted love
Tainted love


Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you, though you hurt me so
Now, I’m gonna pack my things and go
Tainted love, oh, tainted love, oh
Tainted love, oh, tainted love, oh
Touch me, baby, tainted love
Touch me, baby, tainted love
Tainted love, oh
Tainted love, oh
Tainted love

–Soft Cell–

Slow death

Every relationship should have a pretty definite start and end to them, but what happens when they don’t? What happens when the friendship between you and a coworker dwindles down to nothing once one finds new employment? The person that you were starting to date just stops calling back? What about when that friend you have had for years just stops calling?

We have all been here, likely on both sides of every example. Learning to figure out what is the right decision for you about the type of people to keep yourself around is hard. Learning to recognize which one of you is damaging the relationship and whether it’s worth the fight to fix it is hard.

People can be the best person that they can be but will always be toxic to someone. So is it better to make a big thing about it to call it quits, or to slowly just let it die off?

I think I need a heavier drink to contemplate that one.

Hello world!

I am blown away by people who have creativity seeping from them with everything that they do. Have you ever met someone like that? I have some of the most creative people around me, some I am close to some I work with.

It honestly seems as if everything they decide to try just is destined to turn out amazing.

On the other hand, it takes me 10 tries to get a subpar version of anything I try. from food to art to home décor I’m telling you, I have ZERO creativity. Even when following instructions! It’s like it KNOWS I have no business trying this project.

So hello world of art shows and food festivals where I can rely on your amazing abilities instead of my special efforts.

Everything deserves a fresh start

Ahh the rains of spring. I have been taking advantage of the nicer weather and wandering around my city like it is brand new to me. It’s been great seeing the second city filled with friendly faces instead of scared. The masks are still there, the hand sanitizers and social distancing are still our best friends as I am sure they will be for a while.

The thing is, the smiles are still obvious through the eyes. The hello’s are still being said more than ever before. I am in love with the change and I hope to see it continue.

Today however, I will stay inside to avoid the falling tears of the sky that shows that every thing can be washed away and get a fresh start.