Limited Time

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. —Steve Jobs–

Recently on social media I have been seeing a post shared that makes me think about this quote. The post shows an empty living room, no covering on the windows or sliding door and the saying on it says ‘This room is filled with the amount of people who’s opinions help pay your bills’. Powerful stuff honestly.

We let other peoples opinions affect our mental health more then they should ever be allowed to. They don’t know the whole story. Even our beloved parents, who most seem to be looking out for the best for us, don’t know everything. We hit an age that we don’t explain things to them as much. They are focused on their own lives and times have changed since they were that age. People are different and its hard to explain that to them. No one except for you knows your whole story.

So no one but your own opinion should matter most of the time.

***I will pull off to say that of course there is a mental health stigma that comes to mind here since a lot of the time that missing chemical likes to trick our minds into thinking that we are absolutely nothing. It plays tricks to make you think that you are worthless and people would be better off without you. That is the time where it becomes important to talk to someone and let them guide you to better clarity with steps getting you more aligned.

When the barb strikes

I found this poem on social media by Shelby Leigh. I find there are some people that say things that pierce right into your soul. This was one of them.

to the person i am today:

i promise i will start loving you again.

i just need to remember

how it feels to be proud of you,

to look in the mirror and be in awe of you.

i just need to remember what it was like

before i told you

you weren’t good enough.

i buried you alive, piling

doubt and loathing

onto your body like soil,

so only i can bring you back to life

(and i will

i promise.)

Serve the world

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

This one truly does hit me pretty hard. You don’t need to make yourself less just so someone else can feel better about themself.

Writers Block

I seem to find myself at a level of depression and exhaustion that my creativity for writing and editing has stalled. I know it is another level of writers block that I have to get through but I can’t help being overly aggravated.

I have a whole slew of excuses I could use, however I think I will just allow that fact’s to tell the story.

Man of Value

Try not to become a man of success, but rather become a man of value.

Albert Einstein

This one is one that I have built my parenting around. Success is great don’t get me wrong, but it will feel empty if you are standing there alone. Being a person of value makes people want to be around you, not run from you. Sometimes when you only focus on the successful side of things, you don’t learn how to be a decent human.

Don’t be a prisoner

If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things that you can’t change.

Tony Gaskins

During the onslaught of seasonal depression that couples with the cold dreary weather for so many, I chose to focus on the things that I CAN change. There are always things that can’t be changed, that we have to find some ways to adapt to them. However, changing how we handle things is always an option as well. I have toxic family members just like so many others but at this point I have learned to let their comments, annoying questions and constant judgement bounce off of me.

It sounds so easy but I assure you it is not. I have told myself for years that their opinions of the world and the people that are in it comes from their own upbringing and mental health. They wouldn’t chose to tear you apart unless it makes them feel better about themself. The only way that specific type of behavior makes someone feel better is if they are absolutely shredded inside and trying to hold it all together with bandaid fixes, like evil thrills.

Not that I think that you should care about that for everyone, but It helps me understand and not allow them to win in this scenario.

Change the ending

You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.

C.S. Lewis

This is so important to remember in all parts of your life. It is never too late to change your course with something. Sometimes it is just your behavior that needs to change, sometime it requires you to eat a little crow.

Either way, there is always some elements that you can still change to adapt the ending to something you like more.

The hospital workers Christmas Sounds

The hospital bed alarms have taken over for Christmas Caroles.

The respirators keeping these patients alive have taken over for sounds of the hard pellet snow landing on top of layers already down on the ground.

The sounds of endless phones ringing with not enough staff to answer them have taken over for any Church Bells.

The robotic voice that yells overhead when yet another code gets called echoes throughout the halls of every hospital around has taken over for the loud sounds of family get togethers.

The telemetry monitors alarm takes over for the laughter that normally comes from the rooms that the younger kids occupy every year.

The oxygen sensors and C-Pap bells have taken over for all of the annoying questions about when they are going to find a partner, have a baby or get married to that partner they have been with so long.

The beeps of the Pixis as we type in our patients names or medications have taken over the joyful sounds of food being placed around the table as the family sits down together.

The tears seeping down our faces as we call family members on IPADs for them to tell their family member one last time that they love them has taken over for everyone asking for the platters full of amazing smells.

The call of Time of Death has taken over for the sound of saying grace before we are able to eat the food that we just piled high on our plates.

The time ticking by on our clocks as we wait for the morgue to come and collect the deceased patient takes over for the kids watching the clock waiting on the adults to finish clearing the table so they can finally sit and open their presents they have been patiently waiting for.

The sound of our charge nurse telling us about our next admit takes over for the loud voice stating that the time to open the presents has come.

The sounds of the impatient ER Nurse trying to report off on their current patient so they can take one of the masses out of the waiting room to replace them takes over for the uncle that is yelling for everyone to make sure to contain and throw away any wrapping paper and boxes so he doesn’t have to do it all himself.

The sounds of the bed wheels being pushed onto the unit from the ER to fill the room with machines again to keep them breathing has now taken over for the family running off to the other rooms to play with the presents that they just got.

And then with no end in site, the cycles restarts back to those bed alarm Christmas Carols.

Tis this season too

Seasonal depression timing is coming. Are you doing the things that you need to do to prepare for it? Are you making sure that you are planning things that you will actually follow up and do? Here are some of the things that I do to prepare.

First off, I allow myself to know that it is perfectly acceptable to have down days to do nothing. It is ok to have days that running laundry through the washer and dryer are considered productive. Reading a good book is productive. Watching movies and allowing your feelings to fall out of your eyes is productive. SOMETIMES. However, not all the time. Not when it is day after day after day.

Personally, I like to bake during the colder months. So I start a Pinterest folder for the things I want to bake this year. Since it helps me feel like I was productive and gives me a momentary smile I consider it a win. Even though I will never look at it again.

So then I print out the few that I may actually make since it now shows a different level of seriousness. This may or may not work, but it sure makes me feel like it will.

These last few years I have chosen to start a new gym routine in the beginning of December so that I already have a routine set in my mind before all of the ‘resolutioners’ bear down on the local gyms. There is nothing worse then trying a new routine when you are climbing around a bunch of fresh and clean gym members who talk too much while they stare at every move you make thinking if they watch hard enough they could remember each and every step. They won’t, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. Would you like a little piece of advice from someone who has been enduring torture as my self care routine for a few years? It’s ok to watch for motivation, but we know the difference between someone being creepy vs someone with honest intent to learn.

Now, does that mean that my routine won’t get shook up during the first six weeks of the year before they drop like flies? Nope not at all. It will absolutely get shook up. The difference is that now I am in the mindset of getting through it so that the work I put in wasn’t a waste. When I started the routine I gave myself a goal. Inches off the measuring tape in a certain problem area, or a pair of jeans that I want to fit in. Sometimes it is as simple as how I want my arms to look in a bridesmaids dress that I know someone is making me wear. Whatever it is, I want those results.

There is a feeling that you get when you set a goal, push through the bullshit and get the results. It is unmatchable by any amount of laziness, or comfort food. That makes me move. Is that enough for you?

The last thing that I do is make sure that I feel out where the people I live with are at with their mental health. Sometimes it can’t be about me. Sometimes I have a child struggling and instead of allowing myself to wallow, I now need to be watching them and keeping them moving instead. That changes from year to year of course, but if I am not prepared for it then there is a lot of scrambling. I can handle my boat being rocked a bit of course (well, hopefully) but there have been years that it comes so far out of left feild when I wasn’t ready that it blows me out of the water.

That’s going to happen sometimes I suppose, but if I can make it to where it isn’t EVERY year then I feel like I am winning the battle.

Do you have a plan?

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