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Sunshine and rainbows

‘This kid’s gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid’s gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew.’ And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watchin’ you, every day was like a privilege. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good. And when things got hard, you started lookin’ for something to blame, like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know.

The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!

Now if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that! I’m always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You’re my son and you’re my blood. You’re the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain’t gonna have a life.

–ROCKY BALBOA–

I blinked

Growing up I had a very hard time connecting with other girls. I was one of the boys thru and thru. Don’t get me wrong, I had a few close girl friends that I considered my best friends. However, I always felt a little on edge with them compared to the ease I felt when I was with guys.

As I hit upper grade school and high school timing this became worse since I felt like every single time I opened up to a female she would use that against me in some way. Sometimes just by taking what I said in confidence and blabbing it to the class. Other times it was more descreet, more like a slow manipulation of information that they know used against me to make me do what they want. I am not positive if I did the same to them or not. There are times that come to mind that have the potential to land in that category but as I am looking and justifying it to myself, I obviously have to accept the rose colored glasses theory.

As an adult, I CRAVE the women to women connection. I need to have girl talks, where they can understand me completely in regard to things I am dealing with. I need to speak to other wives or long term girlfriends that can face similar relationship speed bumps. Same for any woman raising kids of any age. I know that every one goes through stages like this in life so I don’t feel like this is strange at all.

I love connecting with single or divorced women that have been through things that I haven’t. I love talking to new moms, learning the new path that they are on just as much as I love talking to woman who are enjoying retirements, freedom to travel and possible grandbabies. I love them all.

When the hell did this switch?

Side note: I still find myself just as talkative and comfortable being around guys, unless I like them in which I will be insanely awkward.

Empty your pockets

I was speaking to my Dad the other afternoon and he said something that sent my mind on a tail spin.

There are days in my life that it becomes glaringly obvious that I have too much in my pockets.

He didn’t mean my literal pockets either. In the greater scheme of things everyone of us can admit that if we put too many things in our pockets, it weighs the pants down right?

We can try a belt for a little while. However that will only work until the belt gets to strained and breaks. In the meantime, it’s awkward to walk and it leads to you holding your body different to counteract the weight.

The pockets are a metaphor for your to do list.

Sometimes you don’t realize how much you have signed up to do until it get’s too overwhelming. I am royalty in this regard. I refuse to crown myself as the queen because there are so many of us that excel greatly here.

I love helping people, in any way that I can. That means that I volunteer for random things for people that would not do the same thing for me. I do things around the house without asking my husband and kids for help too much. (Of course, this is also because it doesn’t matter how many times I have asked they never seem to do it without me yelling and screaming. It seems like such a waste of my time so much that I just bypass the stress and do it myself.) (That’s a completely different talking point however, so I am not letting myself get stuck there).

The real thing is that it has given me a new way to look at my lists of things to do. There isn’t many people who enjoy constantly full pockets. I am not one of them. I like a steady stream of things in my pockets, every day. Not overly full.

Empty out your pockets folks.

Folks, this is real.

I would like to take a moment and say I am sorry to those that have been affected by Hurricane Ida and her remnants as she rips across the country. This has been devastating to learn the extent.

In the same moment I hear they are now evacuating more and more people in the California fires. If only we could use the much NEEDED water on the entire west coast. Between the drying up water spots from Colorado to New Mexico and these fire riddled areas.

This continues to prove to me that climate change is real folks. It doesn’t matter what President is in office or the verbage he/she speaks. It doesn’t matter which party they affiliate with. Its cold hard science that proves the climate change has everything to do with the growth of these problems. Take the politics out.

This isn’t just America either. It is everywhere.

Time to make sure we do our part. If anyone has any tips or sites to share about climate change and the things we can do please share.

❤❤

mirrors

At some point you will find yourself looking the wrong way. You will be looking at the past, with rose tinted glasses mind you. You will forget the way that you were feeling at the time, since that’s not what the mind wants you to remember. Instead you will remember and miss the wrong friends you had at that time, the love you felt for the wrong person, and the best parts of the job you walked away from. That’s the funny thing about the rearview mirror. It lets you see the best part of what’s behind you without letting you see the whole picture.

PS- It’s still best to leave it, and all the people, where you left it the last time.

The need to surrender

  1. Surrender
Surrender …I surrender to you my past, present, and future problems. I ask You to take hold over every aspect of my life. I surrender to You all my hurt, pain, worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety, and I ask You to wash me clean. I release everything into Your compassionate care. Please speak to me clearly, [Lord]. Open my ears to hear Your voice. Open my heart to commune with You more deeply. I want to feel Your loving embrace. Open the doors that need to be opened and close the doors that need to be closed. Please set my feet upon the straight and narrow road that leads to everlasting life

I recently had a family member pass away that had battled addiction for most of his short life. I haven’t dealt with it very well. Everyone keeps reaching out since I have a horrible habit of hiding from things like this. They have the best intentions for sure. I love them for knowing to keep trying, but they trigger an immediate auto response of “I’m fine.”

How do you get passed this? I have lost too many people over the years to be naive enough to think there is an answer. Especially one that would happen as fast as i want it to.

Sometimes I search up addiction and recovery videos on different social media platforms. I think I do it to give myself a way to cry and get the hidden feelings out.

Time heals everything right? That’s what they say at least.