Little piece of advice

To all beings that are able to read this blog….

Don’t be an asshole!

This doesn’t seem like the hardest thing to accomplish right? Excluding specific experiences that deserve that response of course.

I mean in general. More specifically to what brought me to this topic I will acknowledge that I really mean in a relationship.

When a person has chosen you, and you have chosen them, to build a life with, why would you wreck that by being petty? It’s one thing in the beginning before things get too serious, however years down the road when there is so much invested.

Houses, kids, cars, pets or the simple peice of paper that you both stood up and signed in front of witnesses. Any combination of those listed options works too.

When you can not choose to respect your partner, to CHOOSE your partner every day, in almost any situation then there is a problem.

(Disclaimer before people come at me- I believe in choosing yourself and possibly your children first all of the time. I am in no way speaking of situation that involves people safety, physical or mental.)

I AM however speaking about cheating. If you are unhappy in your relationship, leave. If you are unsatisfied in your relationship, speak with your partner about what could change. If you settled for any reason whatsoever, and you meet The One, and you are sure, leave your relationship.

If you are the one switching from one social media site to another constantly because your partner is catching on, I am speaking to you.

If you are the one deleted texts, calls, DM’s, or changing peoples names in your phone to not get caught, I am talking to you.

If you just can’t help yourself from going to the bar, flirting with people and taking things too far, I am talking to you.

I am sick and tired of having to pick people up mentally, morally and yes sometimes physically because you suck as a human.

You are pathetic and do not deserve the people who dedicated stretches of time to you.

Do better. Be better. Better yet, go the f*** away.

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Music lets you run away

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh, tainted love
Tainted love

Now, I know I’ve got to
Run away, I’ve got to
Get away
You don’t really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I’m sorry, I don’t pray that 

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh, tainted love
Tainted love

Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you, though you hurt me so
Now, I’m gonna pack my things and go
Tainted love, oh, tainted love, oh
Tainted love, oh, tainted love, oh
Touch me, baby, tainted love
Touch me, baby, tainted love
Tainted love, oh
Tainted love, oh
Tainted love

–Soft Cell–

Always Remember

You matter.

Thanks.

Slow death

Every relationship should have a pretty definite start and end to them, but what happens when they don’t? What happens when the friendship between you and a coworker dwindles down to nothing once one finds new employment? The person that you were starting to date just stops calling back? What about when that friend you have had for years just stops calling?

We have all been here, likely on both sides of every example. Learning to figure out what is the right decision for you about the type of people to keep yourself around is hard. Learning to recognize which one of you is damaging the relationship and whether it’s worth the fight to fix it is hard.

People can be the best person that they can be but will always be toxic to someone. So is it better to make a big thing about it to call it quits, or to slowly just let it die off?

I think I need a heavier drink to contemplate that one.

• 

Hello world!

I am blown away by people who have creativity seeping from them with everything that they do. Have you ever met someone like that? I have some of the most creative people around me, some I am close to some I work with.

It honestly seems as if everything they decide to try just is destined to turn out amazing.

On the other hand, it takes me 10 tries to get a subpar version of anything I try. from food to art to home décor I’m telling you, I have ZERO creativity. Even when following instructions! It’s like it KNOWS I have no business trying this project.

So hello world of art shows and food festivals where I can rely on your amazing abilities instead of my special efforts.

Everything deserves a fresh start

Ahh the rains of spring. I have been taking advantage of the nicer weather and wandering around my city like it is brand new to me. It’s been great seeing the second city filled with friendly faces instead of scared. The masks are still there, the hand sanitizers and social distancing are still our best friends as I am sure they will be for a while.

The thing is, the smiles are still obvious through the eyes. The hello’s are still being said more than ever before. I am in love with the change and I hope to see it continue.

Today however, I will stay inside to avoid the falling tears of the sky that shows that every thing can be washed away and get a fresh start.

The color of spring

The color of new budding spring flowers bursting through the recently thawed ground just does something for the soul doesn’t it?

Take no shit

• 

Growing up is for the birds

When I was little, I remember always wishing that I would wake up as an adult. I didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Those kids were not always nice. I wanted to be able to make my own decisions and not have to refer back to my parents all the time. I was the kid with all the plans. I thought I never wanted kids, I was positive that traveling jobs were easier to find, and I would have plenty of time to see life since there was no rules.

I would sit out in the playhouse that my father had gotten from someone and put up our backyard and just daydream. As those puffy white clouds floated along the sea of blue that surrounded me, I would make up scenarios that would happen as I got older. Nothing was off limits to the adult me. There was no exercising, just the ability to eat anything and everything I wanted. Absolutely no one would tell me that I couldn’t eat after 8 pm like my parents always said. Bed times would be a thing of the past, since I would never chose to wake up as early as the sun just to go to boring places like school. My parents would never age in these, so I never had to worry about taking care of them, or heaven forbid, losing them for any reason. My dog always came with me everywhere as an adult too, just like she did then. I’d listen as my mother hummed while she put laundry on the clothes line we had and swear to myself that doing laundry was a useless task. Adults were rich, so I could not understand why they didn’t just throw out or donate the dirty cloths and buy new ones. At least have one of those fancy laundry places do it all for you. It took up so much of her time! She always told me she had laundry to do whenever I asked if she could come out and play. Cleaning was the other answer I always got. Also something I planned on not doing at any point in my life.

In the years to come I would of course have every one of those daydreams proven wrong, or to be more accurate the joys of reality would show its ugly face to me.

This of course happens to everyone. Everybody has a story to tell as to what they were doing and where they were in life when that first little trickle of adulthood started trying to shine thru. For me the first piece of my sky fell when my dog died. I was of course pretty shocked by this turn of events.  Dogs died? Why didn’t anyone explain that to me? I truly believe that at that tender age I thought that animals were our forever friends. My parents of course immediately replaced the dog with another puffy ball of fur, but there was no fixing that shattered piece of my sky.

You can try as you might to put the piece back together, but it’s always going to have that sliver of reality that shines in.

Now I sit here and try my hardest to let my kids go as long as they can without any pieces falling out. I wish for them the same as every parent wishes for any children that they have brought into this ugly world. One of the biggest things that I have tried to teach them over the years is to be able to notice the little things.

Like the clouds in the sky.

As disillusioned as I was about what was to come in my life, I was at least on point when it came to do with the way to find inner peace in my life.

To this day I feel a strange calm come over me as I lay down on whatever surface I can and just stare at those puffy white clouds passing by.

Patterns

Compromise

That has to be the hardest word in a relationship.

It isn’t even just found in romantic relationships, it can also be seen in friendships, coworkers, parenting and so on.

Two people will never agree on everything. That’s not how people are made. We were made to be unique, with our own working minds and hearts.

So how do you put two people together in a relationship of any type and expect them to stay together for long periods of time? Compromising is the only real answer. You can come up with a few other answers of course, but this is a huge part as well. I think compromise and respect have to come hand and hand.

If you don’t have the respect for each other to be able to listen, acknowledge and discuss the issue at hand, then the compromise will never happen, and the issue instead will continue.

Yes there are limits. Yes you can compromise too far to one side sometimes. It is a balancing act to find the middle, and make sure that the same person is not always bending too far.

That’s not compromise. That’s manipulation.

It’s easy in your first relationships to have this happen because maybe you just don’t know any better. However, if the other person loves you enough, respects you enough, they should never let it happen in the first place.

Nobody is asking you to give up your opinions, feelings, wants or expectations either. There is no reason for you to ask the other person to do so either.  

Silence will never be the answer either. If you sit and watch your partner or person in question continue to struggle, and choose to say nothing, then you have already let your opinion be known. People recognize that reaction, and react accordingly in response. A surefire way to show your lack of respect is silence. The inability to grant them the ability to say why they feel the way that they feel, or why they act the way they did is demeaning.

If you don’t agree with their opinion, explain that to them.  You cannot expect someone to read your mind, just as they will never be able to read yours. By choosing to yell, or not respond, you are asking for the problem to continue.

I won’t speak for everyone, but I know that in my life when compromise does not happen and someone continues to feel slighted or ignored, it brings resentment.

It’s harder to work back from resentment then it would have been to have had the conversation instead.