Learning to occupy my time

So I don’t do New Years Resolutions but this year I figured that I would try something a little different. I have goals that I would like to start implementing this year, but they are much more like life style changes instead of resolutions. At least that’s what I continue to tell myself.

This  year marks the first kid graduating high school and having the potential to move away from me. It doesn’t matter that he may not any time soon. It’s the idea that he is old enough to be able to. I have been trying to focus on how to pull my mother hen instincts back a bit so that he has the ability to grow and learn a bit before he moves out. I am not sure that I can make myself succeed at this, so instead I will occupy myself with other tasks.

This year I will be working harder to find different volunteer options to work with military veterans. I have always been drawn to work with the veterans in our country and am always looking for different ways that may work into life in a long term way. I already work on donating to people who are able to send care packages fairly frequently throughout the year, as well as send Christmas cards to soldiers overseas. However this doesn’t take much time nor effort on my behalf. I would like to find more opportunities. Please feel free to offer any ideas that come to mind. I am wide open for suggestions.

More to come.

The beauty of Zebra’s

“Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment….”


In a 2016 study, an estimated 20.4% of adults in America had chronic pain

8.0% of adult Americans had high impact chronic pain.

That’s 50 MILLION American’s

That’s 2 out of 5 adults

1 in every 4 people with chronic pain are also diagnosed with a sleep disorder

It is the leading cause of long term disability in America.

70% are women

I know I am just spouting off with statistics that I found on the internet. However this is something that effects my family tremendously. We used to get told that we were the zebra’s of the medical field, but we are not. We have some extra stripes sure, but really we are the same as everyone else.

I hate knowing that. We accepted our stripes years ago. We all knew that we just needed to focus on getting back up and straightening out crown a bit before trudging on before the next faceplant.

Maybe some people could feel better knowing that they are more normal than they thought they were. The problem is that the way that life is showing me that we are not that unique is by knocking the legs out of the people around me. I’ve watched car accidents diagnose brain disorders, broken bones diagnose connective tissue disorders and allergic reactions diagnose auto immune diseases.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

I want to go back to where we were the zebras. I wasn’t ok watching my closest family members going through it but at least I was under the impression everyone else got to live happy pain-free normal lives.


‘Twas the night

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too–
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes–how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight–
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

By Clement Clarke Moore

Breath of fresh air

The best thing about living in a big city that is surrounded by small community suburbs is that it is an easy train ride away. While city living doesnt always provide reasons to use a car, it does teach you how to jump on a train to get everywhere you want to get.

Something about bundling up with a cute hat and matching scarf, marching into a local coffee shop and heading out spend some time with nature just gets to me. It speaks to my soul in a way that I can’t seem to replicate. (Also makes me happy that I found an adorable hat/scarf/gloves set the other day while thinking I could window shop)

So thats what I did today. I had a rare day off to be able to take in some surrounding nature. Man I needed this. I filled my entire memory card on this camera and resorted to using the camera on my phone as well! I can’t wait to start editing some of these!

That being said, Pinterest and Youtube how to edits tutorials will be my best friend for the next few weeks!

Never meant for that to happen

Have you ever felt as if the people around you sometimes throw you to wolves?

It has been a long long time since I was made to feel like that. Especially by people that I hold so dear.

The worst part is that no one seems to feel like they could have prevented the weird set of circumstances that transpired. It was as if it was a perfect storm had all clash together in a brilliant strike that happened to have me dead smack in the middle of it.

It’s hard to even figure out who to be upset with. All I know is that when it happened I suddenly felt so small and insignificant. I was quickly reminded me of what it felt like to be a child between fighting parents who were caught up with their emotions.

Thirty five going on five apparently.

Pick wisely

Staying alive while facing mental health battles seems to be a minute by minute choice. It’s the conversations that no one wants to have, but are more important than anything else you talked about today. There hasn’t been one moment in my last twenty years that I wasnt intimately aware of mental health. Between dealing with ever cycling emotions of puberty in my own body, and watching some of the others around me face battle deep inside.

Within that same timing I had my world flipped upside down because someone close to me lost the battle.

Talk to you lived ones. Listen when they chose to talk. You may be the only one they turn to.

That makes it all that much more important to chose the people you surround yourself with.

Make sure they are healthy for you, in the good times and the bad.