Present Moments

You will be ok

even before everything falls into place

and not because you know exactly how everything will come together

but because you are free to have joy here

even in uncertainty.

You are free to pursue peace before you know what is happening.

You are free to keep your eyes open to every present moment…

learning as you go,

trusting into the unknown,

knowing in the depths of your weary soul;

everything will fall into place when,

where,

and how it is supposed to be.

‘discovered by Sonja on We Heart It’

Surface Pressure

I’m the strong one, I’m not nervous
I’m as tough as the crust of the earth is
I move mountains, I move churches
And I glow ’cause I know what my worth is
I don’t ask how hard the work is
Got a rough indestructible surface
Diamonds and platinum, I find ’em, I flatten ’em
I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanding
But
Under the surface
I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus
Under the surface
Was Hercules ever like “Yo, I don’t wanna fight Cerberus”?
Under the surface
I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service
A flaw or a crack
The straw in the stack
That breaks the camel’s back
What breaks the camel’s back it’s
Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’till you just go pop, whoa
Give it to your sister, your sister’s older
Give her all the heavy things we can’t shoulder
Who am I if I can’t run with the ball?
If I fall to
Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won’t let go, whoa
Pressure like a tick, tick, tick ’til it’s ready to blow, whoa
Give it to your sister, your sister’s stronger
See if she can hang on a little longer
Who am I if I can’t carry it all?
If I falter
Under the surface
I hide my nerves, and it worsens, I worry something is gonna hurt us
Under the surface
The ship doesn’t swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is
Under the surface
I think about my purpose, can I somehow preserve this?
Line up the dominoes
A light wind blows
You try to stop it tumbling
But on and on it goes
But wait
If I could shake the crushing weight of expectations
Would that free some room up for joy
Or relaxation, or simple pleasure?
Instead we measure this growing pressure
Keeps growing, keep going
‘Cause all we know is
Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh
Give it to your sister, it doesn’t hurt
And see if she can handle every family burden
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks
No mistakes just
Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won’t let go, whoa
Pressure like a tick, tick, tick ’til it’s ready to blow, whoa
Give it to your sister and never wonder
If the same pressure would’ve pulled you under
Who am I if I don’t have what it takes?
No cracks, no breaks
No mistakes, no pressure

The Fact that these are lyrics to a Disney movies song blew my mind. However this did not stop me from adding it to my Spotify playlist and jamming out to it at the gym this morning. 🙂

Thank you guys for taking the time to read my blogs! This is a great writing experience that has also worked well at being my therapy without a therapist!

Tis this season too

Seasonal depression timing is coming. Are you doing the things that you need to do to prepare for it? Are you making sure that you are planning things that you will actually follow up and do? Here are some of the things that I do to prepare.

First off, I allow myself to know that it is perfectly acceptable to have down days to do nothing. It is ok to have days that running laundry through the washer and dryer are considered productive. Reading a good book is productive. Watching movies and allowing your feelings to fall out of your eyes is productive. SOMETIMES. However, not all the time. Not when it is day after day after day.

Personally, I like to bake during the colder months. So I start a Pinterest folder for the things I want to bake this year. Since it helps me feel like I was productive and gives me a momentary smile I consider it a win. Even though I will never look at it again.

So then I print out the few that I may actually make since it now shows a different level of seriousness. This may or may not work, but it sure makes me feel like it will.

These last few years I have chosen to start a new gym routine in the beginning of December so that I already have a routine set in my mind before all of the ‘resolutioners’ bear down on the local gyms. There is nothing worse then trying a new routine when you are climbing around a bunch of fresh and clean gym members who talk too much while they stare at every move you make thinking if they watch hard enough they could remember each and every step. They won’t, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. Would you like a little piece of advice from someone who has been enduring torture as my self care routine for a few years? It’s ok to watch for motivation, but we know the difference between someone being creepy vs someone with honest intent to learn.

Now, does that mean that my routine won’t get shook up during the first six weeks of the year before they drop like flies? Nope not at all. It will absolutely get shook up. The difference is that now I am in the mindset of getting through it so that the work I put in wasn’t a waste. When I started the routine I gave myself a goal. Inches off the measuring tape in a certain problem area, or a pair of jeans that I want to fit in. Sometimes it is as simple as how I want my arms to look in a bridesmaids dress that I know someone is making me wear. Whatever it is, I want those results.

There is a feeling that you get when you set a goal, push through the bullshit and get the results. It is unmatchable by any amount of laziness, or comfort food. That makes me move. Is that enough for you?

The last thing that I do is make sure that I feel out where the people I live with are at with their mental health. Sometimes it can’t be about me. Sometimes I have a child struggling and instead of allowing myself to wallow, I now need to be watching them and keeping them moving instead. That changes from year to year of course, but if I am not prepared for it then there is a lot of scrambling. I can handle my boat being rocked a bit of course (well, hopefully) but there have been years that it comes so far out of left feild when I wasn’t ready that it blows me out of the water.

That’s going to happen sometimes I suppose, but if I can make it to where it isn’t EVERY year then I feel like I am winning the battle.

Do you have a plan?

Are they worth it?

Addiction and the recovery from it is a lengthy process that is super daunting when you face it alone. Yet so many people don’t have any other choice.

More often then not they are dealing with it alone because they have pushed everyone away with their behaviors.

Here is Alcohol Anonymous’s 12 step program. These are the steps every addict has to go through. Some skip a few or don’t do them in order, however they are all significant.

These steps can easily be adapted to any addiction process. Drinking, Drugs, sex, eating, Etc.

No one is perfect. I am surrounded by addicts of all sorts, in varied states of recovery. Some I had to give up on. Some I stayed too long. Some are worth the fight.

The 12 Steps, as outlined in the original
Big Book and presented by AA are:

1. Admitting powerlessness over the addiction

2.Believing that a higher power (in whatever form) can help

3. Deciding to turn control over to the higher power

4. Taking a personal inventory

5. Admitting to the higher power, oneself, and another person the wrongs done

6. Being ready to have the higher power correct any shortcomings in one’s character

7. Asking the higher power to remove those shortcomings

8. Making a list of wrongs done to others and being willing to make amends for those wrongs

9. Contacting those who have been hurt, unless doing so would harm the person

10. Continuing to take personal inventory and admitting when one is wrong

11. Seeking enlightenment and connection with the higher power via prayer and meditation

12. Carrying the message of the 12 Steps to others in need

Goals achieved

This year I made the decision to step outside of my comfort zone. The goal was to be more social since the last few (ahem ok maybe ten) years were dedicated to child rearing and family building.

I was NOT dissapointed!

I have gotten to meet some of the best people! From other creative souls, to fellow introverts pushing themselves to open up, all the way to those open minded no filter folks that have taught me more then I expected.

Sometimes change is needed guys. This keyboards allow us to be fierce on our platform, but too many of us use it to hide behind.

Make a decision to step out of your comfort zone, even a little.

You won’t regret it.

Worldwide Beatiful

Take a moment and feel these lyrics. Then go search the video if you can. ❤

White churches, black churches
Different people, same hearses
It’s kinda hard to fight with each other
Laying down in the ground, six under
At every show I see my people
They ain’t the same, but they’re all equal
One love, one God, one family

You’re missing every color
If you’re only seeing black and white
Tell me how you’re gonna change your mind
If your heart’s unmovable
We ain’t that different from each other
From one to another, I look around
And see worldwide beautiful

Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God
Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God
Coast to coast, city to city
Reach out your hands if you’re with me
Still got some work but we still got a dream
Every shade, every heart come together and sing
Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God (woo)

You’re missing every color
If you’re only seeing black and white
Tell me how you’re gonna change your mind
If your heart’s unmovable
We ain’t that different from each other
From one to another, I look around
And see worldwide beautiful

One love, one God, one family (one family, y’all, c’mon)
One love, one God, one family
One love, one God, one family
One Love, one God, one family (sing it with me)

You’re missing every color
If you’re only seeing black and white
Tell me how you’re gonna change your mind
If your heart’s unmovable (we’re not that different)
We ain’t that different from each other
From one to another, I look around
And see worldwide beautiful
Look around and see worldwide beautiful (so beautiful)

Look around and see worldwide beautiful
(Worldwide beautiful)
(Worldwide beautiful)
(Worldwide beautiful)
Look around and see worldwide

beautifulSource: LyricFindSongwriters: Jordan Mark Schmidt / Kane Brown / Ryan James Hurd / Jordan Schmidt / Ryan Hurd / Shy Carter

Open doors

They always say when one door closes another will open.

I’ve heard multiple ways for that saying but that is the one I heard the most.

There is nothing wrong with making decisions to change things up to fit your desires better.

Who cares if its a job, a city, a lover or a friendship. You are not stuck anywhere or with anyone. They are all a few choices away from being different. When you decide to be free to make your own decisions the whole world opens up to you.

The question is how long will it take you to decide to make the change?

Will it take you even longer to accept it and forgive yourself for it?

No questions

There are a few things I have learned in life, without needing to randomly question it.

Here is the most important.

Everyone needs to have that group of people that they can just unload on without worry. Sometimes its just one person, sometimes its ten of them.

Life without them however is not ok.

They stand by you when you go through a breakup. They are right there when you fail that test, again. They don’t judge when you drop plans because you aren’t in mood (unless you do that too much.) They just get you. They don’t hesitate to call or show up at the wrong time.

They know that life brings high points, laughter, and great memories.

They also know that there will be bad times. Low times. Bad diagnoses, deaths, tears and heartbreak’s.

And yet they stay, through all of it.

Those people are vital. ❤

Golden rule

It seems as though these last few years has brought out the asshole in everyone doesn’t it?

Everyone seems to have forgotten to have a filter on what they say to other’s. What’s worse is the excuses they use to explain away the bad manners!

Sure we all have different opinions. These opinions come from life experiences, stories we’ve heard from people we know as well as online sources/news stations.

I respect that. I respect your opinion. I respect your decisions. I applaud you for standing for who and what you believe in.

HOWEVER!

When the hell did that give them the right to tear down others that don’t agree wholeheartedly?

Who says what you believed in was the end all for every human being? Why would they not be able to have their own opinions?

Who the hell do these people think they are, honestly?

The rounded stripes

Do the storms ever stop?

No.

But neither do the rainbows.

–S.M.–