Never meant for that to happen

Have you ever felt as if the people around you sometimes throw you to wolves?

It has been a long long time since I was made to feel like that. Especially by people that I hold so dear.

The worst part is that no one seems to feel like they could have prevented the weird set of circumstances that transpired. It was as if it was a perfect storm had all clash together in a brilliant strike that happened to have me dead smack in the middle of it.

It’s hard to even figure out who to be upset with. All I know is that when it happened I suddenly felt so small and insignificant. I was quickly reminded me of what it felt like to be a child between fighting parents who were caught up with their emotions.

Thirty five going on five apparently.

Winter blues

This winter my challenge will be helping my family and myself fight seasonal depression. This has been a trying year and being stuck inside is never the best thing for that.

I have been looking for crafts and cheaper options of things around us to do. One would think in such a big city there would be an endless amount of things to do but sticking to a budget makes it ridiculous.

However the battle has only just begun….

The magic word

Learning the healthy normal in my relationship is going to be the new challenge in my life. We have forgotten how to function as a couple with all this running around parenting and working.

Recently he has had to switch a different shift that works him an opposite shift as mine. As much as space is something that our relationship thrives from, this may be a little too much space.

So I am looking around at different things that can help us re-center our focus. While I am mainly focused on getting us fun positive time together as a couple, I also would love to strengthen our communication.

   Yup, I said it.

That magic “C” word that always gets thrown around in a relationship. Everyone can stand to do a little work in that department,  at any point of the relationship. However when we are as strained as we are, I think that it is important.

Check back soon to see if I can get him on board as well. 🙂

 

Life’s little tests

Life was brought to a screeching halt here in my world recently as a close family member landed themselves in the hospital. This of course is never a planned thing, so the shock of it sent me for a loop. I wanted to be able to keep my head on straight, to be able to be the rock for my family to lean on since I have some medical experiences.

I work hard to keep my emotions on an even keel these last few years after realizing that I was having a hard time controlling my temper at times. I had gotten so good at this that I was recently wondering if I had turned myself into too cold of a person. Instead of finding a middle ground, I was feeling like I tipped the scales completely. I know that everyone faces different control issues, however I take pride in catching onto my problem area’s so that I can work to make myself a better version of me. I am never prouder of people around me that can notice something that they don’t like about themselves and set to work of improving it to something that they can be proud of instead.

This was the first time in quite some time that I found myself unable to hold it together until I was in a “safe space.” As a matter of fact this time I completely fell apart while at work, caught by a few different co-workers. I am not sure about anyone else, but I get really embarrassed when people see me cry.  I always have. I was never a person to cry growing up. I would get mad, but not cry.

I used to be able to sit in the car and listen to music to force myself to work through my emotions. A few kids ago I would be able to sit and talk with friends alot more and there is nothing better than talk therapy with friends. However over the years with kids, I have gotten busier as have they. The time to sit and hang out has dwindled down tremendously. I need to work on that part.

The situation with my family member started simple, got extremely scary but has luckily taken a turn for the better. I thank my lucky stars for that fact, but it sure has shown me that I still have weaknesses just like every other person.

        As long as I am not crying in front of coworkers, I guess I am ok with that.

 

 

 

 

Mental Health Needs your help

Mental Health is not a joke.

Being a person that was born into a family that has not been kissed by any sever mental health disorders, it took me some years to start learning that most people around us have something affecting them daily.

It doesn’t have to have a big fancy name attached to it to mean something. So many people deal with situation depression, situational anxiety and so on.

It’s important to keep in mind that everybody is dealing with their own battles, and it isn’t your job to fix it. You don’t even really have to understand it.

The only job that you are tasked with is to be supportive to those that are battling.

They battle out loud just as much as the battle behind closed doors.

The stigma that surrounds Mental Health anymore is not going to be won in a macro sense until it is handled in a micro way.

That means that you and I have a job to do.

Everyone of us needs to stop staying quite when you see someone suffering.

Take that step. Offer to stand beside the people around you that are struggling.

Stop standing back and letting them battle in silence.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States in 2017. 

Each year 47,173 AMERICANS die by suicide. 

There is 1,400,000 Suicide attempts in 2017 alone. 

Suicide costs the United States $51 Billion annually. 

Men die of suicide 3.5 times MORE than women. 

In 2017 firearms accounted for 50.57% off all suicide deaths. 

There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts. 

An estimated quarter million people each year become suicide survivors. 

The average age of the of suicide victims? 

MIDDLE AGED WHITE MEN

 

Toxicity

In the last few years I started to see the toxic relationships that I had kept around me. Little by little I began cleansing my friendships, nurturing the ones that are healthy to both parties and letting go of the ones hurting me.

This hasn’t always been easy. I had to let go a person that my family found themself quite attached to. However it has shown in the growth that has happened since that seperation that it was damaging to all of us.

What I have noticed though is that my children have realized how much one persons negative nature can hold your growth back, and it doesn’t matter what age you are.

They have learned to be positive about more, and stopped always looking to the thing that could go wrong. They see it still, they have always been taught to keep vigilant to the pros and cons of every situation. They just chose to the positive behaviors and choices come through stronger.

I am proud of their strengths and I relish in the growths that I have noticed.

In exchange they learned that parents can have their hearts broken too and come back stronger.