I find myself having too deep of conversations with everyone recently. It is almost as if I can’t pull back and just regularly have day to day conversations. When I do it seems like it is just to fill the silence.
I am at this point where my kids are all just old enough to not need me constantly, but young enough to still need supervision.
This leads to me having time to think. Which, don’t get me wrong is a great change from the last few years. However it’s shown me how little I have been able to have deep conversations in the last ten years with having toddlers constantly around.
I was always so proud of my ability to not lose myself to motherhood completely. I honestly thought I had a handle on it. Now looking back, I was clearly wrong.
Over the years, my group of friend had kept me sane. The ability to meet them at the park and talk while our kids played helped all of us The meals we would cook just to have an excuse to get us all around each other. The conversations we had with our kids about how it didn’t matter if they like ‘so-and-so’ because Mommy was friends with their Mommy so they had to get over it.
Then one by one, those friendships fell apart. Some for valid reasons, some not so valid. Some are missed, some are not. All I know for sure is they ended.
So then you find yourself having to still get thru the day to day grind with kids. Work friends become closer friends, better friends then the ones you grew up with in most cases. If you are lucky they will have kids close in ge to yours as well.
But it doesn’t prepare you for how to handle this period in your life. I still have to go to work most days of course. There are still events you have to bring your children to and sports schedules to pull your hair out trying to follow as best as possible. There are family get togethers, and never ending bills stacking up on counter.
However I find myself having the time to honestly learn who I am.
Is there a way to wear a sign that warns people of the possibility of deeper conversations that could occur unintentionally?