It’s okay to miss them
It’s okay to say their name
It’s okay to cry
It’s okay to breathe deeply
It’s okay to smile when you think of them
It’s okay to function
Its okay to have days where you cant function
It’s okay to be angry
It’s okay to be thankful
It’s okay to love again
It’s okay to remember
It’s okay to hope
It’s okay to be honest
It’s okay to trust again
Scribbles & Crumbs
19 years of surviving without him.
“Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first September was crisp and golden as an apple”
I have been being called out to the water for a few months now but the weather keeps getting in my way along with busy schedules of course. The other day I finally found the cutest beach to go to and I have to admit I felt a sense of being home. How can someone who has never lived on the water feel so completely at home when near it? Still havent gotten out onto a boat yet, and I may have to admit that I wont be able to this year.
But the serenity I found while staring out at its vastness is unmatched. The way my heart calmed to listen to the beat of the surf lapping on the sand.
Watching my middle sons excitement as he learned to battle against the waves made my heart swell. He feels it too. That calling. That need to be there. My oldest fights and complains about the sand, the youngest is scared to get too far in since she doesnt like water in her face.
To find something to tame the one wild child tho makes it even better. Id go back with him right now if I wasnt chained to this work chair by the shackles of being an adult.
Sunday morning coffee
Sitting on the porch
Listening to the birds chirping
The gentle breeze swaying the trees
After the week I have had
This is exactly what I need.
If only I could keep this feeling.
No matter how much changes in this life I will always miss you.
No matter how happy I become, how much I love my life now,or how much I love the people I chose to surround myself with…. I will always miss you.
It doesnt matter how long its been. It doesn’t matter if everything I kept to remind me of you is gone. It doesnt matter if I have forgotten the sound of your voice, or the exact mannerism you used to posess…. I will always miss you.
I closed the chapter. I opened another. I cherish every part to do with my life now. I still miss you.
Now I wonder if the version of you in my head is real or if its shifted into what I want to remember versus what I don’t want to, but I still miss you.
You live on. Even if you didn’t want to.