With the unprecedented time going on around us right now, many people find themselves with too much time on their hands. I find myself crazed. Between the home schooling that we all are having to learn to handle and the extra hours at work that they are pushing for me to pick up. Some weeks I have picked up but mostly its the amount of craziness surrounding work.
Don’t get me wrong I am in a constant state of unrest in my mind. I have never found something that works on a consistent basis to calm my brain. For a long time I thought that was normal. To some people it is for sure.
There are others though that talk about that being a sometimes thing. I read books from other humans who talk about calming the mind and being able to think clearly. I have done yoga, meditation, medication, exercise and so many other options. Nothing changes it.
However this last few weeks, months for some depending where they live, have been a bit scrambled, for everyone. We don’t really have a good outlook either because so much is unknown. I guess some people can play along and stay positive with everything but I am struggling.
I can take the e-learning in stride honestly. I love these kids and love them being home. I would honestly get a kick out of keeping them home one year and taking them around on field trips and enjoying time while learning. That isn’t something that they are interested in of course because their friends would not be in their class which I honestly understand.
So instead I find ways to help however I can. I focus on gift baskets for coworkers, scrub caps with buttons, and extra unhealthy snacks and meals for the family. I find myself buying them more things and playing with more to make up for the things I think they are missing from school. Or may it is to make up for innocence I feel like they are losing at a young age to this novel virus. I am not sure what it is. It results in smiles from coworkers in the middle of a jungle scene of a hospital and ICU. Smiles on the kids faces when I come home and more loves and hugs when I need them. Laughter from the huge trampoline while they make up game after game while they jump.
I watch my children as they go through things that I absolutely remember going through myself and can’t help but feel proud.
I have worked to keep open communication with them all, while firmly keeping the mother child roles in place. I will find out so much later that I missed or messed up on because that is the way that this job works.
However for today I will sit back and allow myself to be proud of them for the choices they make. I will also chose to be proud of the way my husband and I have raised them so far. I look forward to more of these feelings to help counteract the days I feel the polar opposite.