July 2022 – Live life lightly

Why do we speak to ourself in ways that we can’t imagine speaking to others?

How many times do we look in a mirror and say the meanest things we can think of to the reflection?

I go about living life again until I see a picture of myself, or a sudden mirrored surface shows me myself and that’s all it takes. Suddenly the self hate returns, vile and inconceivable things.

No one could ever hate me as much as I hate myself, okay? So any mean things someone’s gonna think of to say about me, I’ve already said to me, about me, probably in the last few hours.

Between the looks in the mirror and unfaltering doubt I have in my own abilities, it sure leaves a lot of self hate to swim in.

All I ever wanted was to be someone else

At some point I knew that I was going to have to change the perogative to be able to keep from drowning.

This has to be one of the hardest things in life to do since it is never ending. Every day I have to push the positive thought line, multiple times a day if I am honest. I started with just one or two, and have progressed to forcing a positive thought pretty much every time I have a negative thought.

This doesn’t always work I need to be honest. Just like everyone else I have down days that just can’t be talked out of. I receive phone calls with bad news, or I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. My family is amazing at dealing with me through these days, so I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones. Most don’t it seems.

Stay positive. The world isn’t gonna get better being negative about it. There are two sides to life. You choose which one you wanna live.