Watching someone close to me go thru the gut wrenching realization that they now will always be considered suicide survivor is horrifying.
You are numb as you get told.
You go thru the motions for a while. Checking the correct boxes for things that need to be done. Sure you have moments that you breakdown. But the long term reality of it doesnt come for some time.
And then it does.
People have all left. They all stepped away thinking that you will be fine since you have been such a rock thru it all this far. They tell you to call if you need them, but you wont.
They wouldnt be able to handle the questions that you need answered.
People all want to say that they can help, but unless they are there in the pits and shallows with you, they don’t get it.
All I want to do is help them. I’ve been there. I want to share the secrets that I have learned along the way.
It wont work however.
Everyones story is different.
Everyones guilt is different.
The process is different.
So until you can talk to me about your process, I will just keep showing up. Sometimes with coffee, sometimes for movie dates, other times to help you clean your house when you’re that low.
Because I cant walk away like so many did to me.
So I will stay.