Reality vs bliss

I recently learned that they now say September is the month of recovery. They call it National Recovery Month. For a whole month they talk about people bottoming out to the lowest of the lows and finding ways to recovery, and stay recovered. They embrace that this is a disease that will never go away for them and that this is a battle that they will always face. One that they could relapse easily with just one wrong decision. They speak about the steps that addicts will have to take to get clean, stay sober and make the right decisions day after day.

I applaud every move that they make in the process of teaching everyone that addiction is a disease. Yes there are choices being made, but in the end it is a disease. Addiction hurts everyone, not just the addict. Those people that are around the addict didn’t get to make the choice which makes this disease one of the most heartbreaking diseases I think I have ever seen. I love that they made a national month for it because it shows how much progress that they have made in attempting to show addicts and those people around them that we realize that it is a disease. It won’t heal the hurts, it won’t right the wrongs. It will however get us closer to understanding how to help and possibly prevent it from happening more.

This month marks the birthday of my cousin who died last year, from complications from addiction. I have spent 10 months ignoring his death. You see, he had recently gone to work and live at an inpatient recovery center that helped sober him up the year prior. That was the first place that actually kept him sober longer than a few months. He fell in love with the surrounding, he just hated being so far away from all of us. It’s very easy to just trick your mind into thinking that is the reason I haven’t seen him. For a while I stopped using the platform that I spoke with him the most this last few years (Snapchat). We had switched to that so we could keep a streak while we show each other the scenery and the kids to make us both feel like we were still a daily part of each others lives.

Now in a months time it will be his first birthday in heaven along with the one year anniversary. Seems like I am going to have to accept the realistic side of things.

Little piece of advice

To all beings that are able to read this blog….

Don’t be an asshole!

This doesn’t seem like the hardest thing to accomplish right? Excluding specific experiences that deserve that response of course.

I mean in general. More specifically to what brought me to this topic I will acknowledge that I really mean in a relationship.

When a person has chosen you, and you have chosen them, to build a life with, why would you wreck that by being petty? It’s one thing in the beginning before things get too serious, however years down the road when there is so much invested.

Houses, kids, cars, pets or the simple peice of paper that you both stood up and signed in front of witnesses. Any combination of those listed options works too.

When you can not choose to respect your partner, to CHOOSE your partner every day, in almost any situation then there is a problem.

(Disclaimer before people come at me- I believe in choosing yourself and possibly your children first all of the time. I am in no way speaking of situation that involves people safety, physical or mental.)

I AM however speaking about cheating. If you are unhappy in your relationship, leave. If you are unsatisfied in your relationship, speak with your partner about what could change. If you settled for any reason whatsoever, and you meet The One, and you are sure, leave your relationship.

If you are the one switching from one social media site to another constantly because your partner is catching on, I am speaking to you.

If you are the one deleted texts, calls, DM’s, or changing peoples names in your phone to not get caught, I am talking to you.

If you just can’t help yourself from going to the bar, flirting with people and taking things too far, I am talking to you.

I am sick and tired of having to pick people up mentally, morally and yes sometimes physically because you suck as a human.

You are pathetic and do not deserve the people who dedicated stretches of time to you.

Do better. Be better. Better yet, go the f*** away.

Music lets you run away

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away

From the pain you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere

And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night


Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I’ll run from you

This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh, tainted love
Tainted love


Now, I know I’ve got to
Run away, I’ve got to
Get away
You don’t really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I’m sorry, I don’t pray that¬†

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh, tainted love
Tainted love


Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you, though you hurt me so
Now, I’m gonna pack my things and go
Tainted love, oh, tainted love, oh
Tainted love, oh, tainted love, oh
Touch me, baby, tainted love
Touch me, baby, tainted love
Tainted love, oh
Tainted love, oh
Tainted love

–Soft Cell–

Slow death

Every relationship should have a pretty definite start and end to them, but what happens when they don’t? What happens when the friendship between you and a coworker dwindles down to nothing once one finds new employment? The person that you were starting to date just stops calling back? What about when that friend you have had for years just stops calling?

We have all been here, likely on both sides of every example. Learning to figure out what is the right decision for you about the type of people to keep yourself around is hard. Learning to recognize which one of you is damaging the relationship and whether it’s worth the fight to fix it is hard.

People can be the best person that they can be but will always be toxic to someone. So is it better to make a big thing about it to call it quits, or to slowly just let it die off?

I think I need a heavier drink to contemplate that one.