Present Moments

You will be ok

even before everything falls into place

and not because you know exactly how everything will come together

but because you are free to have joy here

even in uncertainty.

You are free to pursue peace before you know what is happening.

You are free to keep your eyes open to every present moment…

learning as you go,

trusting into the unknown,

knowing in the depths of your weary soul;

everything will fall into place when,

where,

and how it is supposed to be.

‘discovered by Sonja on We Heart It’

Tis this season too

Seasonal depression timing is coming. Are you doing the things that you need to do to prepare for it? Are you making sure that you are planning things that you will actually follow up and do? Here are some of the things that I do to prepare.

First off, I allow myself to know that it is perfectly acceptable to have down days to do nothing. It is ok to have days that running laundry through the washer and dryer are considered productive. Reading a good book is productive. Watching movies and allowing your feelings to fall out of your eyes is productive. SOMETIMES. However, not all the time. Not when it is day after day after day.

Personally, I like to bake during the colder months. So I start a Pinterest folder for the things I want to bake this year. Since it helps me feel like I was productive and gives me a momentary smile I consider it a win. Even though I will never look at it again.

So then I print out the few that I may actually make since it now shows a different level of seriousness. This may or may not work, but it sure makes me feel like it will.

These last few years I have chosen to start a new gym routine in the beginning of December so that I already have a routine set in my mind before all of the ‘resolutioners’ bear down on the local gyms. There is nothing worse then trying a new routine when you are climbing around a bunch of fresh and clean gym members who talk too much while they stare at every move you make thinking if they watch hard enough they could remember each and every step. They won’t, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. Would you like a little piece of advice from someone who has been enduring torture as my self care routine for a few years? It’s ok to watch for motivation, but we know the difference between someone being creepy vs someone with honest intent to learn.

Now, does that mean that my routine won’t get shook up during the first six weeks of the year before they drop like flies? Nope not at all. It will absolutely get shook up. The difference is that now I am in the mindset of getting through it so that the work I put in wasn’t a waste. When I started the routine I gave myself a goal. Inches off the measuring tape in a certain problem area, or a pair of jeans that I want to fit in. Sometimes it is as simple as how I want my arms to look in a bridesmaids dress that I know someone is making me wear. Whatever it is, I want those results.

There is a feeling that you get when you set a goal, push through the bullshit and get the results. It is unmatchable by any amount of laziness, or comfort food. That makes me move. Is that enough for you?

The last thing that I do is make sure that I feel out where the people I live with are at with their mental health. Sometimes it can’t be about me. Sometimes I have a child struggling and instead of allowing myself to wallow, I now need to be watching them and keeping them moving instead. That changes from year to year of course, but if I am not prepared for it then there is a lot of scrambling. I can handle my boat being rocked a bit of course (well, hopefully) but there have been years that it comes so far out of left feild when I wasn’t ready that it blows me out of the water.

That’s going to happen sometimes I suppose, but if I can make it to where it isn’t EVERY year then I feel like I am winning the battle.

Do you have a plan?

Goals achieved

This year I made the decision to step outside of my comfort zone. The goal was to be more social since the last few (ahem ok maybe ten) years were dedicated to child rearing and family building.

I was NOT dissapointed!

I have gotten to meet some of the best people! From other creative souls, to fellow introverts pushing themselves to open up, all the way to those open minded no filter folks that have taught me more then I expected.

Sometimes change is needed guys. This keyboards allow us to be fierce on our platform, but too many of us use it to hide behind.

Make a decision to step out of your comfort zone, even a little.

You won’t regret it.

So now what

Now what?

That’s the only thought I have for this summer in the year following the Covid shutdown. Last year we did our part and stayed home or out of places more often then not. We made sure we wore masks and had a very realistic fear of the ‘what if’ seeing as I work healthcare and saw this from a different very deadly point of view.

However as a parent who’s children virtually learned all year so we didn’t get sucked into the quarentined bubble off and on, my kids need the outside world more then ever.

Every adult in my family has been vaccinated so I should be able to not worry as much going in and out of these places right? Yet I’m not sure.

It has nothing to do with false media junk, or the pressures of the world fear mongering me so please refrain from commenting about that OR the negative opinions of the vaccines. Yes I am asking out loud on social media platforms, so your opinion is valid to respond with I just don’t want the disrespect to outweigh the honest communications. I do respect your choice for you and yours, just please show the same respect here if you chose to comment.

Are you out and about? Indoor and outdoor? Still masking?

❤ Much love to you all. ❤

Little piece of advice

To all beings that are able to read this blog….

Don’t be an asshole!

This doesn’t seem like the hardest thing to accomplish right? Excluding specific experiences that deserve that response of course.

I mean in general. More specifically to what brought me to this topic I will acknowledge that I really mean in a relationship.

When a person has chosen you, and you have chosen them, to build a life with, why would you wreck that by being petty? It’s one thing in the beginning before things get too serious, however years down the road when there is so much invested.

Houses, kids, cars, pets or the simple peice of paper that you both stood up and signed in front of witnesses. Any combination of those listed options works too.

When you can not choose to respect your partner, to CHOOSE your partner every day, in almost any situation then there is a problem.

(Disclaimer before people come at me- I believe in choosing yourself and possibly your children first all of the time. I am in no way speaking of situation that involves people safety, physical or mental.)

I AM however speaking about cheating. If you are unhappy in your relationship, leave. If you are unsatisfied in your relationship, speak with your partner about what could change. If you settled for any reason whatsoever, and you meet The One, and you are sure, leave your relationship.

If you are the one switching from one social media site to another constantly because your partner is catching on, I am speaking to you.

If you are the one deleted texts, calls, DM’s, or changing peoples names in your phone to not get caught, I am talking to you.

If you just can’t help yourself from going to the bar, flirting with people and taking things too far, I am talking to you.

I am sick and tired of having to pick people up mentally, morally and yes sometimes physically because you suck as a human.

You are pathetic and do not deserve the people who dedicated stretches of time to you.

Do better. Be better. Better yet, go the f*** away.

Never meant for that to happen

Have you ever felt as if the people around you sometimes throw you to wolves?

It has been a long long time since I was made to feel like that. Especially by people that I hold so dear.

The worst part is that no one seems to feel like they could have prevented the weird set of circumstances that transpired. It was as if it was a perfect storm had all clash together in a brilliant strike that happened to have me dead smack in the middle of it.

It’s hard to even figure out who to be upset with. All I know is that when it happened I suddenly felt so small and insignificant. I was quickly reminded me of what it felt like to be a child between fighting parents who were caught up with their emotions.

Thirty five going on five apparently.

Winter blues

This winter my challenge will be helping my family and myself fight seasonal depression. This has been a trying year and being stuck inside is never the best thing for that.

I have been looking for crafts and cheaper options of things around us to do. One would think in such a big city there would be an endless amount of things to do but sticking to a budget makes it ridiculous.

However the battle has only just begun….

I am not the only one right?

Every year I say that I am going to buy less for Christmas for everyone around me.

And just like every other person in the world, I find myself dreading the amount of hours that I will need to work to pay off the credit card debt I accrued instead.

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