It is the little things that make the difference

Anyone alive can say that the big things that someone does for you can really make you smile. Those are the things that will always be immortalized in pictures, videos or memories.

However, it is the day to day things that make the bigger differences.

The smiles and laughs for sure. The catching the other one watching you feeling. The feeling that you get when you are trying to explain what your thinking, and they totally understand it.

The light and comfortable moods. It is also the handling of each other when they show up in a not so light mood, so that it doesn’t make it worse.

The fights that make it obvious the passion behind it, along with the makeup that hopefully is just as passionate.

Knowing that someone has chosen to think about how it will make your day a little better if they do it instead.  Could even be changing your routine up to actually make sure that your socks make it into the dirty cloths hamper so someone else does not have to go behind you and do it.

It’s knowing that you are appreciated, and saying thank you for the tasks that get taken for granted normally.

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The good outweighs the bad

Today was one of those days that make up for the bad days.

The family was able to keep the fighting to the bare minimum. The teenager gave in to the constant pressure and actually spent time with us. The phone only took over a few times, but that’s much better then constantly.

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The little ones were very agreeable to the various outdoor activities that we accomplished. They only complained and cried for no reason a few times. Piece of cake compared to what I am used to recently.

Don’t get me wrong, I have great kids. I truly love spending time with them and when my  husband can join in, it truly is amazing. Between bike rides, parks and baseball we absolutely kept busy.

You know what that meant?

LITTLE TO NO ELECTRONICS!! I didn’t have to pry them away  from these silly devices that we all are getting a little too addicted to. There is a time and place for everything of course, and I kept everyone a little calmer by giving everyone a hours time after lunch to play on something. I of course napped, because that’s what moms do right?

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This will be the one that makes me smile through the bad days that are bound to sneak up on us.

Fathers Day 

Happy Father’s day to all Fathers out there. 

To the men that stay. 

To the men that step in when others step out. 

To the men that are not allowed to spend time with their children. 

To the men who have lost and buried the children that were meant to outlive them, under any and all circumstances. 

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Compromise 

Compromise

That has to be the hardest word in a relationship.

It isn’t even just found in romantic relationships, it can also be seen in friendships, coworkers, parenting and so on.

Two people will never agree on everything. That’s not how people are made. We were made to be unique, with our own working minds and hearts.

So how do you put two people together in a relationship of any type and expect them to stay together for long periods of time? Compromising is the only real answer. You can come up with a few other answers of course, but this is a huge part as well. I think compromise and respect have to come hand and hand.

If you don’t have the respect for each other to be able to listen, acknowledge and discuss the issue at hand, then the compromise will never happen, and the issue instead will continue.

Yes there are limits. Yes you can compromise too far to one side sometimes. It is a balancing act to find the middle, and make sure that the same person is not always bending too far.

That’s not compromise. That’s manipulation.

It’s easy in your first relationships to have this happen because maybe you just don’t know any better. However, if the other person loves you enough, respects you enough, they should never let it happen in the first place.

Nobody is asking you to give up your opinions, feelings, wants or expectations either. There is no reason for you to ask the other person to do so either.  

Silence will never be the answer either. If you sit and watch your partner or person in question continue to struggle, and choose to say nothing, then you have already let your opinion be known. People recognize that reaction, and react accordingly in response. A surefire way to show your lack of respect is silence. The inability to grant them the ability to say why they feel the way that they feel, or why they act the way they did is demeaning.

If you don’t agree with their opinion, explain that to them.  You cannot expect someone to read your mind, just as they will never be able to read yours. By choosing to yell, or not respond, you are asking for the problem to continue.

I won’t speak for everyone, but I know that in my life when compromise does not happen and someone continues to feel slighted or ignored, it brings resentment.

It’s harder to work back from resentment then it would have been to have had the conversation instead.

Let it all hang out

In a world where I have always been very outgoing, I have never really understood someone’s decision to become or stay introverted. 

I mean why if given the choice, would you chose to spend time alone versus time with friends and family? Having people around tends to lead to laughter and a general sense of well being in opinion. I have spent most of my life being told that laughter is the best type of medicine. 

I never had to worry about going out to eat by myself. I never gave thought to going for walks by myself since I had an endless supply of people to call that would accompany me. When I was home alone I quickly got on the phone with a friend or blared music and danced around like an idiot. 

As a reader, even when no one was available to hang out or talk on the phone, I always had a different dimension of friends. I would open a book and fall into this alternate universe where I was not bound to the chains of my little town. I would find joy, love, peace, sadness  and anger within the chapters that I hungrily plowed thru. 

When that didn’t interest me any longer, I began writing my own. First it was short stories, normally about a young girl like myself finding the love of her life and living happily ever after. When things in my life started to not look so bright, the stories felt the same treatment. The more often I wrote,  the more often I wanted to write. Soon I would lose hours a day into these characters that I would make up, causing my friends to think I was crazy. 

The books got longer, more complex, less romantic. That’s when I started to notice another trait about myself. Strangely for such a confident person who was loud and crazy, even on stage in front of a crowd, I couldn’t share my work. I became fiercely protective of it and would bite people’s heads off for trying to catch a glimpse. 

When I finally started to share any part of my writing I noticed it was similar to trying to tell someone my deepest darkest secrets. The biggest problem here I think is that if the person I shared with had ANY negative thing to say about what I had written, I hated them for it. It wasn’t friendly criticism in my eyes. They had betrayed me. Fiercely. I had no idea how to handle those feelings. 

It started to get to the point that I would let someone read it, to spell check or edit it, and then I would receive it back and throw it in a drawer. I wouldn’t look at it for weeks, months even. I am positive that I still have some laying around in totes that I saw too many handwritten notes on my beautifully typed manuscript. 

I still write, pretty often actually. I have gotten no better at handling people’s opinions on these stories that I make out if pieces of me. I have never brought my writing anywhere to have someone outside of my family edit it, which I like to blame on money but I trully believe is just plain fear of rejection in any form. 

This blog is meant to help me overcome the fear of other people reading things I write. This is my middle ground at attempting to believe in my own writing. 

Side note to all of this, is that as I have gotten a little older I have become more introverted myself. I now have found it awkward to hang around big groups of people and have noticed my own social circle has deflated quite a bit. Some by choice, some by disagreements that were too powerful to ignore, and others by death. I finally have learned that the good side of spending time alone is the ability to get to know your own self. 

Some days I miss you

I am a suicide loss survivor. 

That sentence still gets me. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. It is a stark sentence that immediately joins you into a society you want no part of.  

The look of shock and pity that used to come my way has faded since I stopped telling people. 

I am not ashamed. As the years continue to go by, life changes. You aren’t forced to explain where someone’s dad is, or having to explain where a missing family member may be. 

Instead it was my high school best friend. My first love. My first person of the opposite sex that I connected so well with, it was like it was meant to be. 

And then it was gone. 

And I was left to pick up the pieces and rebuild. 

Most days I’m fine. It’s been a long time. I have an amazing husband and family, new best friends and old memories that I’m left to question and doubt. 

But some days I miss you. 

Kids vs summer

As the kids have all gotten out for Summer break by now, I quickly see where the problem is going to be. 

There has to always be one. 

This year it will be electronics. I can’t stand how lazy electronic options have made my kids. If it’s not one thing it’s another. Kindles, televisions, Dad’s Xbox, older brothers PlayStation. 

Who care about bikes, scooters, trampolines and swimming pools that are all at out fingertips. None of that seems to matter. 

Today I got mad and told them that if I caught them just sitting and staring at the big dumb box any more without at least playing with Legos or army guys, that I would unplug the televisions for the whole summer. 

Man what a cool mom I’ve become.