Growing up is for the birds

When I was little, I remember always wishing that I would wake up as an adult. I didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Those kids were not always nice. I wanted to be able to make my own decisions and not have to refer back to my parents all the time. I was the kid with all the plans. I thought I never wanted kids, I was positive that traveling jobs were easier to find, and I would have plenty of time to see life since there was no rules.

I would sit out in the playhouse that my father had gotten from someone and put up our backyard and just daydream. As those puffy white clouds floated along the sea of blue that surrounded me, I would make up scenarios that would happen as I got older. Nothing was off limits to the adult me. There was no exercising, just the ability to eat anything and everything I wanted. Absolutely no one would tell me that I couldn’t eat after 8 pm like my parents always said. Bed times would be a thing of the past, since I would never chose to wake up as early as the sun just to go to boring places like school. My parents would never age in these, so I never had to worry about taking care of them, or heaven forbid, losing them for any reason. My dog always came with me everywhere as an adult too, just like she did then. I’d listen as my mother hummed while she put laundry on the clothes line we had and swear to myself that doing laundry was a useless task. Adults were rich, so I could not understand why they didn’t just throw out or donate the dirty cloths and buy new ones. At least have one of those fancy laundry places do it all for you. It took up so much of her time! She always told me she had laundry to do whenever I asked if she could come out and play. Cleaning was the other answer I always got. Also something I planned on not doing at any point in my life.

In the years to come I would of course have every one of those daydreams proven wrong, or to be more accurate the joys of reality would show its ugly face to me.

This of course happens to everyone. Everybody has a story to tell as to what they were doing and where they were in life when that first little trickle of adulthood started trying to shine thru. For me the first piece of my sky fell when my dog died. I was of course pretty shocked by this turn of events.  Dogs died? Why didn’t anyone explain that to me? I truly believe that at that tender age I thought that animals were our forever friends. My parents of course immediately replaced the dog with another puffy ball of fur, but there was no fixing that shattered piece of my sky.

You can try as you might to put the piece back together, but it’s always going to have that sliver of reality that shines in.

Now I sit here and try my hardest to let my kids go as long as they can without any pieces falling out. I wish for them the same as every parent wishes for any children that they have brought into this ugly world. One of the biggest things that I have tried to teach them over the years is to be able to notice the little things.

Like the clouds in the sky.

As disillusioned as I was about what was to come in my life, I was at least on point when it came to do with the way to find inner peace in my life.

To this day I feel a strange calm come over me as I lay down on whatever surface I can and just stare at those puffy white clouds passing by.

Patterns

Compromise

That has to be the hardest word in a relationship.

It isn’t even just found in romantic relationships, it can also be seen in friendships, coworkers, parenting and so on.

Two people will never agree on everything. That’s not how people are made. We were made to be unique, with our own working minds and hearts.

So how do you put two people together in a relationship of any type and expect them to stay together for long periods of time? Compromising is the only real answer. You can come up with a few other answers of course, but this is a huge part as well. I think compromise and respect have to come hand and hand.

If you don’t have the respect for each other to be able to listen, acknowledge and discuss the issue at hand, then the compromise will never happen, and the issue instead will continue.

Yes there are limits. Yes you can compromise too far to one side sometimes. It is a balancing act to find the middle, and make sure that the same person is not always bending too far.

That’s not compromise. That’s manipulation.

It’s easy in your first relationships to have this happen because maybe you just don’t know any better. However, if the other person loves you enough, respects you enough, they should never let it happen in the first place.

Nobody is asking you to give up your opinions, feelings, wants or expectations either. There is no reason for you to ask the other person to do so either.  

Silence will never be the answer either. If you sit and watch your partner or person in question continue to struggle, and choose to say nothing, then you have already let your opinion be known. People recognize that reaction, and react accordingly in response. A surefire way to show your lack of respect is silence. The inability to grant them the ability to say why they feel the way that they feel, or why they act the way they did is demeaning.

If you don’t agree with their opinion, explain that to them.  You cannot expect someone to read your mind, just as they will never be able to read yours. By choosing to yell, or not respond, you are asking for the problem to continue.

I won’t speak for everyone, but I know that in my life when compromise does not happen and someone continues to feel slighted or ignored, it brings resentment.

It’s harder to work back from resentment then it would have been to have had the conversation instead.

Just do it

Recently I have noticed that when you force people around you to notice the good things that people do, they resist. 

You cant make them do it. 

The only thing that you can do is surround yourself as best as you can with positive things. Cute little sayings on canvas that you can post around your house. Inspirational videos to watch instead of news coverage of the most recent atrocities in the areas near you. Find a way to remove the most negative people around you, in the most effective way possible. Sometimes thats as simple as to stop calling or messaging the person. Block them on social media instead of deleting them. 

Find what makes you happy. Who cares what other people think. Who cares whoe doesnt understand your passions.

 Does it make you happy? 

Does it bring you peace? 

Does it calm your nerves? Then do it.