Most days we break

Most days I can take the good’s and the bad’s without blinking an eye.

Other day’s I find myself crying the second I see tears in anyone else’s eyes.

Today is one of those days that the tears just don’t seem to want to stop.

I have always known that I don’t handle sick kids very well. I can’t watch things (shows, movies, the news) that kids are sick or being hurt. That one is an obvious one for me.

Recently I have realized that cancer is another hot spot with me. The more people around me that get diagnosed, the more emotional and aggravated I get.

Cancer has been around forever it seems, and touches everyone in some way or another.

Logically, I understand that.

Realistically I find myself going thru serious rounds of resentment and bitterness. Everytime someone around me gets diagnosed or tells me their story, it starts again.

The empath side of me forces me to stay away from as much of it as possible. The medical side of me laughs at the the silliness of that.

Every one of my patients stories gets to me. When they leave me after the original diagnosis with so much sadness, and then everytime they come back looking lost and frail. The hope gets depleted, the fight leaving them.

We can’t lose that hope for them, because when we do it affects how we care for them. We can’t close our hearts to them, falling a bit in love with every one of them as they come and go. We cry with them and their loved ones because we can’t figure out how to treat with empathy and not actually have our hearts broken for them.

Other times we hold a strong front in place to help them be strong, be it cancer or any other illness. Sometimes it is much more work to hide it.

What makes me stay? They still deserve that respect and empathy at every turn of their journey. Sick, scared, dying. They deserve the respect, and I can’t gaurentee that they will get that if I am not there.

So days like this I work extra hard to suck it up. There is plenty of time later for me to deal with those tears.

#fuckcancer

Author: Bookstore owners daughter

Mom. Wife. Woman. Pet lover. Survivor. Medical Miracle. Fertile Myrtle. Sister. Daughter. Granddaughter. Book lover.

6 thoughts on “Most days we break”

  1. Your love and compassion is such a tremendous gift of comfort to those with whom you interact. There is no greater. Sending the Sweetest of Blessings from my HEART to your HEART in Love. Betty💞

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful, and I totally agree – cancer is insidious, it touches so many lives directly & indirectly, and causes such heartache.
    I have to agree with guidelinesweb’s comment – you are such a gift to the lives you touch, it’s like you can give back when cancer takes away. I think your empathy and compassion are what make it harder for you because you feel so much and so deeply. Sending lots of hugs your way  ♥
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

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