The little things

When I was little, I remember always wishing that I would wake up as an adult. I didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Those kids were not always nice. I wanted to be able to make my own decisions and not have to refer back to my parents all the time. I was the kid with all the plans. I thought I never wanted kids, I was positive that traveling jobs were easier to find, and I would have plenty of time to see life since there was no rules.

I would sit out in the playhouse that my father had gotten from someone and put up our backyard and just daydream. As those puffy white clouds floated along the sea of blue that surrounded me, I would make up scenarios that would happen as I got older. Nothing was off limits to the adult me. There was no exercising, just the ability to eat anything and everything I wanted. Absolutely no one would tell me that I couldn’t eat after 8 pm like my parents always said. Bed times would be a thing of the past, since I would never chose to wake up as early as the sun just to go to boring places like school. My parents would never age in these, so I never had to worry about taking care of them, or heaven forbid, losing them for any reason. My dog always came with me everywhere as an adult too, just like she did then. I’d listen as my mother hummed while she put laundry on the clothes line we had and swear to myself that doing laundry was a useless task. Adults were rich, so I could not understand why they didn’t just throw out or donate the dirty cloths and buy new ones. At least have one of those fancy laundry places do it all for you. It took up so much of her time! She always told me she had laundry to do whenever I asked if she could come out and play. Cleaning was the other answer I always got. Also something I planned on not doing at any point in my life.

In the years to come I would of course have every one of those daydreams proven wrong, or to be more accurate the joys of reality would show its ugly face to me.

This of course happens to everyone. Everybody has a story to tell as to what they were doing and where they were in life when that first little trickle of adulthood started trying to shine thru. For me the first piece of my sky fell when my dog died. I was of course pretty shocked by this turn of events.  Dogs died? Why didn’t anyone explain that to me? I truly believe that at that tender age I thought that animals were our forever friends. My parents of course immediately replaced the dog with another puffy ball of fur, but there was no fixing that shattered piece of my sky.

You can try as you might to put the piece back together, but it’s always going to have that sliver of reality that shines in.

Now I sit here and try my hardest to let my kids go as long as they can without any pieces falling out. I wish for them the same as every parent wishes for any children that they have brought into this ugly world. One of the biggest things that I have tried to teach them over the years is to be able to notice the little things.

Like the clouds in the sky.

As disillusioned as I was about what was to come in my life, I was at least on point when it came to do with the way to find inner peace in my life.

To this day I feel a strange calm come over me as I lay down on whatever surface I can and just stare at those puffy white clouds passing by.

 

 

Newbie

Wow.

So this is it.

After all this time thinking about starting a blog, researching how to do it properly, and letting nerves take over, I am finally here.

Now the question is, what am I going to do with it? I still am not 100% sure. The time just keeps ticking though as I keep deciding on new topics to write about. In the end, it’s just going to be about me.  The things that I have been through and the things that I will continue to try to bulldoze my way through in the coming days and hopefully, years.

I am a 32 year old mom of 3. I started young so right now they are 15, 6 and 5. In 3 days the 6 year old will be 7. I have a long term boyfriend that I sometimes think was sent here just to test every ounce of patience that I have. I fell in love with the medical field when I was a teenager and after a few crazy jobs, I went and got my Certified Nursing Assistance license. After working as a CNA for 7 years I was at my limit of changing poopy diapers and bathing naked bodies. I taught myself how to read telemetry monitors from a book that the nurses that worked on the hospital unit with me, and after fighting with my bosses to be allowed to, I took the test. I would love to say that I aced this test, but truth be told, they never told me the results other than to say I had passed. Took a little more time for a spot to actually open, but once it was I was home free.

I seem pretty normal right?

I’m not. Just figured you should know. But this is just a blank canvas that I get to scar with whatever letters I want right? I could totally lie but where would the fun be in that? I’m sure as this blog unfolds in the next few weeks, months, and possibly years you readers will also end up understanding that life is just more fun when you can let loose and not care about what other people think.  Can you imagine what people would be like if they were all able to just relax and be themselves??

Somewhere along the line I started turning to my dad for him to help calm me down whenever the world got a little frantic on me.  He had years dealing with a wife and two emotional daughters, so he had some good ideas stored in there that we had never chosen to listen to before. About the time that I found myself being a 19 year old single mom of a 2 year old I actually started listening.

The best thing I heard from him around that timing was a silly little catch phrase he had heard somewhere, or maybe he made it up himself. I am positive that I have asked him, or he has told me where it came from and my overwhelmed brain just didn’t store that information. You wanna know the catchphrase that reshaped my life as I knew it? It’s pretty easy to remember honestly. It can be applied to almost any stressful situation in life, from anxiety to child rearing. From depression to relationships, and just about everything in between.

Are you ready for it?

 

Just chose to live life lightly.