My Essure Battle part 1

permanent birth control gone wrong


So after a few children I had decided that I was done. I just felt as if I was spread thin enough, and that I should probably do something to prevent having anymore. Of course I had been through the different birth controls over the years, and they had all failed me in one way or another. The most affective one that I had was the IUD that I was told I had to have removed and then wait thirty days before having a new IUD placed to allow my hormones to level off. Of course in the years after I have had plenty of people tell me that their doctors didn’t make them do it. Well mine did. And I was blessed with another accidental miracle because of it so I am not too mad…. now. It’s not like we weren’t trying to be safe. I just clearly am a fertile myrtle. I wish I could have shared that with other people. Spread the wealth a little bit! However at that timing, I was mad. So I switched doctors.

Well anyway, so I go to my new doctor’s office to have one of my pregnancy check-ups a few months later and I decide today is the day to bring up cutting the strings with my fertile myrtle side. I lay out my position and request all information possible about getting tubes tied. Imagine my surprise to be told that they actually recommend a newer method. They hand me paperwork on something called an Essure Implant. During our discussion they told me that one day this would be an outpatient procedure but our area was not ready to offer that yet, so I would have to go to the local hospital and be put under to have the devices placed in each tube. The device was a coil that came in a box attached to something that allowed them to go in vaginally and implant it in without having to cut me open at all. My doctor told me that he thought it would be the best option for me since it would also prevent any tubal pregnancies.

After going home and doing some thinking, and researching it a little bit we decided that I would go with the Essure. We set up to have this done directly after I had this child so that any recovery time was allotted into my maternity leave. After some bumps and hiccups and the birth of a beautiful baby boy, the implant was in. Man did I feel as if I had lucked out. For the first time I felt like I could relax a little bit since I did not have to worry about any more kids. I dutifully went back to that same hospital three months later and had an x-ray procedure where they put me on a table and shot me full of some dye to make sure that none leaked thru the tubes, and told me I was set. Since I work the medical field, and was well familiar with my doctor he laughingly told me to throw out my condoms because I would not need them.

2 months later, making it a week before Valentine’s Day, I was sitting in my car in front of the college I had been attending and I just knew. There is no way to describe what triggered this, but I quickly turned my car back on and drove away from my Anatomy and Physiology class to drive to a local drugstore. I bought a three pack and went home while chugging the water bottle I had to make sure I would be able to pee. I called my best friend after I had stormed into the house without talking to my husband who was sitting on the floor with some preschool show on while playing with our month’s old son. I took that phone, the bag of tests that I was refusing to tell my husband about and my water bottle and locked myself in the bathroom. I felt as if he would know if I looked at him. He would see my fear. He would question what was wrong and want to hug me and act like he could make everything better when I wouldn’t answer because I would be crying. He called my name, and I responded with the click of the bathroom door shutting, followed by the lock sounding. I hadn’t even missed a period, but they had been so different after I had the coils put in so how would I really know anything. Sometimes I was weeks late, and others I spotted for weeks at a time. So with my best friend as my coach in life on the phone, I peed on the stick.

I had barely slipped the cover back on and the plus sign was in my face. The control line was there, but that plus sign was shining brighter than any I had ever seen. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t talk. I sat on that toilet with my neck crooked to the side holding the phone to my shoulder, with the very positive test in one hand, and the box to compare it to in the other. I could hear my son cooing from the other room, and my poor friend was declaring that since I was the most silent she had ever heard me in the twenty years that we had been friends, that it must be positive.

I was so flabbergasted it took a few minutes for me to talk again. When I could, I asked her how in the flying hell could this be real. I had done everything right. I had gone through every single step. Nothing in my world made any sense to me at that moment. I felt absolutely betrayed, mixed with a little bit of terror. I must have looked like a zombie when I came out of that bathroom after hanging up on my friend and faced my husband. I couldn’t even muster a little bit of joy to tell him that we were expecting, yet again. I watched emotions play across his face as he battled with figuring out how in the hell this happened, and how he could comfort his clearly shaken wife. We called the doctor’s office and spent a good amount of time arguing with the staff to get them to understand that this test said positive, and that I knew my body well enough to know it was real. I was so mean to them, but I couldn’t help it. I was still shell shocked, but was starting to get mad. The next test came back positive as well. The staff told me that they would call me back in a few minutes, but it was the Doctor that called. He tried to calm me down, but panic was setting in by that point since we had just watched the third test turn positive as well. So he told us to come in.

They didn’t even have us sit in the waiting room. Apparently I had gotten their attentions and they didn’t want me ranting at the other patients and family members. Good idea. The nurse that first took me back tried to tell me she thought it was a false positive. It couldn’t possibly be real. I kicked her out. The second nurse who came in told me she was beyond shocked, but she was going to take some blood and have me pee in a cup. I didn’t speak with her. My husband was doing a wonderful job of supporting me; hugging me and helping me try to stay rational. I can’t imagine what was going through his poor head. I never really gave him the chance to tell me during this. He held my hand and rubbed my back as took my blood, and after I had gone to pee in the cup he made sure to sit close to me so he could put his arm around me. I’m sure he filled the silence with words, but I do not remember any of that.

A short time later the doctor came in and pulled a chair closer to where we were sitting. He asked for me to tell him why I thought I was pregnant again and while I was explaining the door opened and the tech leaned in slightly and nodded her head at him. We ended up doing a vaginal ultrasound in which he found the exact thing that we knew he would. He found a baby.

They make excuses, quote stats that imply that they are never at fault; nothing is ever foolproof they say. And then they spent even more time doing more of the same. By the time I walked out of that office the fight was gone, apparently having gone out the window with my panic, anger and fright. Now I was subdued. I was almost completely numb.

A few months later I had a beautiful daughter, via cesarean section. My doctor and I had planned this so we could completely cut the tubes out to permanently close the baby factory. She was healthy and full term. The coils being there may or may not have affected the growth of certain muscles to cause weakness and slight under development. No one can prove one way or another.

So since the tubes were removed the problems should be done right?

Stay tuned for part 2! Leave a comment with any questions or stories of your own!

*Essure was completely pulled off the market on in July 2018 thanks to very strong women standing up for themselves in the face of doubt. The very last country to stop allowing this device was America. Bayer still maintains that they beleive in the safety of their device, but had low sales so they would pull it off the market.

I consider this to be an amazing success from people who were directly affected from the miserable product that Bayer stood behind.

Click to read what happened next! My Essure Battle part 2

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Mom life

It’s a beautifully rainy day today, which I feel like should mean relaxation. The type of day that makes you want to get a hot mug of coffee, a great book and blanket and curl up in the most comfortable chair in the house day. These days I feel like that’s something that only happens in movies.

Instead, I have 2 children in school with the smallest one home with me. My to do list is crazy long and it seems I may need to duplicate just to achieve half of it. Why oh why does my to do list fill itself up like this? Am I the only one?

Bubble guppy music plays while I run around trying to figure out my dinner plans for tonight so the hubby will have something to eat when he gets home. Crockpot it is right? So now I just have to figure out the actual food part. We have been so busy recently and the schedule will not be letting up any time soon since baseball season is about to kick into high gear for them. You can imagine that with two kids of different ages, that two baseball schedules full of practices and games could drive anyone a little crazy.

This is where that precooking idea would save me some time. I precook lunches for the husband, and myself all the time. Clearly I should start also doing the crockpot meals idea too right?

Anyone have a favorite crockpot meal that they make? Something that could almost be set up ahead of time,kept freash and I could easily toss into a crockpot?

Leave a comment or shoot me an email and let me know!

Perfect spring cleaning bathroom checklist

Looking for a perfect spring cleaning bathroom checklist?


Does deep cleaning your bathroom seem a little daunting? Do you always feel like you are forgetting something?


 Well then here is a perfect checklist to use as you begin to gather your supplies to mount your attack!


 ***The first thing I do as I walk into the bathroom is remove any towels, robes, rugs, trash and I take the shower curtain and liner down. Go ahead and pitch that trash of course, but why don’t you make your way to the washing machine and toss in a towel or two along with your curtain and liner. (Make sure you don’t throw the clips in the washer however!)  When you make your way back to the washer later to flip your load over, make sure you DO NOT throw the liner in the dryer! I always go back to the washer when I am done in the bathroom, so that way I can immediately put liner and curtain back onto the clips and bring back to the bathroom to hang up for it to air dry.


Since your washing machine is open again, why not toss another towel or two in with your floor rugs. (DISCLAIMER: If you have skid-proof floor rugs, the sticky part on the back could flake off and clog the pump. Run with warm or cold water, but nothing over 100 degrees and DO NOT put into dryer!)  Also some research shows that you only need half of the recommended amount of detergent for rugs. Do what you wish with that piece of info.  I always throw my rugs outside over a patio railing or over the top of a chair if it’s raining. I never wish to chance shrinking it, or causing a fire putting the rug into a high heat situation like the dryer. I advise you do something similar as well. ***


 1.      Check your bottles.


From shampoo and conditioners, to face washes. Body washes, razors, and any other miscellaneous things that have collected in your shower area. Are there even more hidden away under the sink or in any cabinets? Are any ready to be thrown out? Is there any of the same products that can be combined? One way or another, pull them all out of the shower stall altogether. Take everything off any shelves, or caddies.



2.      Spray It Clean


So now you are ready for any sort of shower spray that you have. Personally, I use a mixture of ½ cup ammonia, ½ cup baking soda and 1 gallon warm water in a spray bottle.  (Sometimes the smell is still not going to fly with me that day so I use Dawn dish soap and vinegar in a clean spray bottle.) I spray everywhere from the top of the shower stall down to the drain itself. After letting it sit for a short time, I set about scrubbing it back off with a rag or my personal favorite, Magic Eraser.  I continuously rinse out my eraser in the sink as I go, to rinse off the dirt and grime that I pick up as I go.



3.      Deep Clean Grout


 There are many different ways to do this out there. The two ways that I will mention are tried and true in my house. Option A is to get a small bowl and combine 1 cup warm water, with 1 cup bleach and 1 tbsp. dawn dish soap (Any dish soap works).  Apply this mixture on any mold or mildew stains or marks and let sit for 20 minutes. A grout scrubber or an old toothbrush will work wonderfully at letting you scrub any stubborn stains or marks away. Once dry, inspect to see if there is a crack or any missing pieces along the grout. If so, you will need to purchase a grout Sealer or clear silicone spray to seal this area back up to prevent further moisture build ups.




4.      Porcelain Goodness


When in doubt, use bleach. Pour bleach straight into the toilet and shut the lid. Let the fumes loosen up anything it can get to for a few minutes. You can take this time to decide between a toilet brush, a rag, or something to scrub with.  However if you use a rag, or scrubber, this will be the last place that you use that today. Directly after that will need to hit the wash machine, or trash.  I love using my toilet brush here, since it happens to clean both the toilet as well as the brush. Since I use a brush, I take this time to grab a disposable disinfectant wipe to wipe the seats, the rim, the area behind the seats and tank with lid. I usually go through 2 or 3 during this process to ensure I’m not moving germs from one surface to another. By that time, I feel the fumes have done their job so I lift the lid and scrub away with my brush. Once finished I flush the toilet and run the brush through the flushing water. It’s always good practice to use bleach water or a disposable disinfectant wipe on the toilet brush canister as well since that tends to collect all sorts of nasty things if not.


***TIP— Research has shown that all germs do not flush down the toilet as expected. This allows germs to shoot up in the air, landing on the seat, handle and any other close surfaces. Let this be a great reminder to everyone to keep toothbrushes covered whenever not in use. Is a drawer, cabinet or covering case that closes completely!  With that in mind, look around your bathroom to anything else that airborne germs could come in contact with. Hair brushes, glasses, contact cases, open denture cups, cups meant for water to rinse out your mouth after brushing your teeth. ***





What part of a typical bathroom has the MOST germs?  A sink drain is actually the answer. That means that the kitchen sink actually TOPS the toilet, and toilet seat.




 5. Sink and exterior of vanity


Disposable Disinfectant wipes are actually quite recommended for daily or frequent use on the counters, faucet and sink itself. I use those same wipes down the front and sides of my vanity. As for the sink itself, we deal with a decent amount of back up on a pretty common basis here between the facial hair grooming and the regular every day uses on top of that. I use the well-known volcano affect cleaners to help naturally clean those drains. This means 1 cup baking soda to ½ cup vinegar down the drain in that order. If you can plug the drain, do it. You really want to keep the reaction as much inside the drain as possible. Let it sit for at least 15 minutes before removing plug and pouring hot to boiling water down the drain as a chaser.



6. Have you EVER cleaned the ventilation fan?


Think about all of those airborne toilet germs combined with the constant moisture being vented through. Now add in regular dust that happens everywhere. And the fact that you have likely never cleaned this before.


This is simpler than it sounds. Turn off the circuit breaker before attempting this. Grab yourself a good flashlight and head back into the bathroom.  Some of these vents have a release tab, others require a screwdriver. Make sure you verify what your vent needs and remove accordingly. Place the vent itself in a sink full of warm soapy water that you will later scrub and allow to air dry. Using a disposable disinfectant wipe to wipe off the fan blades themselves. You could use a dry paint brush, or something similar to brush off standing dust on the motor. I have seen some people say to try a vacuum tool, but not many vacuums have long enough hoses for this to be a feasible option. Make sure everything is dry before you put back together.


7.  No streaky walls for you


One of the last few things that I do is spray down the walls that with an all-purpose cleaning spray and turn on the hot water in my shower for a few minutes, while shutting the door and allowing the steam to grace the walls as well. I’m slightly shorter, so I take a step stool with me when I go back and wipe the walls down, starting from the top of the walls down. I wipe my walls down more than I ever would have expected since I have a pretty small full bathroom.


8. When mopping sounds easy


Mopping suddenly seems super easy at this point because it means that the end is near. I happen to like using a fun smelling Mr. Clean scent, but some people use a simple vinegar water mix. (Equal parts of each for this mixture.) I have also heard people tell me that they use that mixture with a mop to clean down walls as well. I may try that one someday, to see if that would help combat my short girl problem.




 EXTRA TIPS Continue reading “Perfect spring cleaning bathroom checklist”

The little things

When I was little, I remember always wishing that I would wake up as an adult. I didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Those kids were not always nice. I wanted to be able to make my own decisions and not have to refer back to my parents all the time. I was the kid with all the plans. I thought I never wanted kids, I was positive that traveling jobs were easier to find, and I would have plenty of time to see life since there was no rules.

I would sit out in the playhouse that my father had gotten from someone and put up our backyard and just daydream. As those puffy white clouds floated along the sea of blue that surrounded me, I would make up scenarios that would happen as I got older. Nothing was off limits to the adult me. There was no exercising, just the ability to eat anything and everything I wanted. Absolutely no one would tell me that I couldn’t eat after 8 pm like my parents always said. Bed times would be a thing of the past, since I would never chose to wake up as early as the sun just to go to boring places like school. My parents would never age in these, so I never had to worry about taking care of them, or heaven forbid, losing them for any reason. My dog always came with me everywhere as an adult too, just like she did then. I’d listen as my mother hummed while she put laundry on the clothes line we had and swear to myself that doing laundry was a useless task. Adults were rich, so I could not understand why they didn’t just throw out or donate the dirty cloths and buy new ones. At least have one of those fancy laundry places do it all for you. It took up so much of her time! She always told me she had laundry to do whenever I asked if she could come out and play. Cleaning was the other answer I always got. Also something I planned on not doing at any point in my life.

In the years to come I would of course have every one of those daydreams proven wrong, or to be more accurate the joys of reality would show its ugly face to me.

This of course happens to everyone. Everybody has a story to tell as to what they were doing and where they were in life when that first little trickle of adulthood started trying to shine thru. For me the first piece of my sky fell when my dog died. I was of course pretty shocked by this turn of events.  Dogs died? Why didn’t anyone explain that to me? I truly believe that at that tender age I thought that animals were our forever friends. My parents of course immediately replaced the dog with another puffy ball of fur, but there was no fixing that shattered piece of my sky.

You can try as you might to put the piece back together, but it’s always going to have that sliver of reality that shines in.

Now I sit here and try my hardest to let my kids go as long as they can without any pieces falling out. I wish for them the same as every parent wishes for any children that they have brought into this ugly world. One of the biggest things that I have tried to teach them over the years is to be able to notice the little things.

Like the clouds in the sky.

As disillusioned as I was about what was to come in my life, I was at least on point when it came to do with the way to find inner peace in my life.

To this day I feel a strange calm come over me as I lay down on whatever surface I can and just stare at those puffy white clouds passing by.





So this is it.

After all this time thinking about starting a blog, researching how to do it properly, and letting nerves take over, I am finally here.

Now the question is, what am I going to do with it? I still am not 100% sure. The time just keeps ticking though as I keep deciding on new topics to write about. In the end, it’s just going to be about me.  The things that I have been through and the things that I will continue to try to bulldoze my way through in the coming days and hopefully, years.

I am a 32 year old mom of 3. I started young so right now they are 15, 6 and 5. In 3 days the 6 year old will be 7. I have a long term boyfriend that I sometimes think was sent here just to test every ounce of patience that I have. I fell in love with the medical field when I was a teenager and after a few crazy jobs, I went and got my Certified Nursing Assistance license. After working as a CNA for 7 years I was at my limit of changing poopy diapers and bathing naked bodies. I taught myself how to read telemetry monitors from a book that the nurses that worked on the hospital unit with me, and after fighting with my bosses to be allowed to, I took the test. I would love to say that I aced this test, but truth be told, they never told me the results other than to say I had passed. Took a little more time for a spot to actually open, but once it was I was home free.

I seem pretty normal right?

I’m not. Just figured you should know. But this is just a blank canvas that I get to scar with whatever letters I want right? I could totally lie but where would the fun be in that? I’m sure as this blog unfolds in the next few weeks, months, and possibly years you readers will also end up understanding that life is just more fun when you can let loose and not care about what other people think.  Can you imagine what people would be like if they were all able to just relax and be themselves??

Somewhere along the line I started turning to my dad for him to help calm me down whenever the world got a little frantic on me.  He had years dealing with a wife and two emotional daughters, so he had some good ideas stored in there that we had never chosen to listen to before. About the time that I found myself being a 19 year old single mom of a 2 year old I actually started listening.

The best thing I heard from him around that timing was a silly little catch phrase he had heard somewhere, or maybe he made it up himself. I am positive that I have asked him, or he has told me where it came from and my overwhelmed brain just didn’t store that information. You wanna know the catchphrase that reshaped my life as I knew it? It’s pretty easy to remember honestly. It can be applied to almost any stressful situation in life, from anxiety to child rearing. From depression to relationships, and just about everything in between.

Are you ready for it?


Just chose to live life lightly.