It starts and ends with your choices

When I was little, I would always notice that there seemed to be two types of people. 

The first type seemed to consist of people who were always too careful, too worried about other people’s opinions. They did what other people wanted, wore cloths to look like the peeple around them, and tried there best to “Just Fit In”. 

The second type tends to be more rambunctious. They are louder,  they laugh a lot and they seemed to flutter around and talk to everyone. 

Neither group seemed to be very deep into these conversations that they were having. Neither group seemed to really be listening to people, they kept it more superficial but I didn’t understand why. 

I never seemed to fit into those types of groups, and spent a long time thinking something was wrong with me because of that.

But I was wrong. 

For years I stayed around people I didn’t like, because I felt like it made me fit in better. I watched how much I voiced my opinions, because not everyone agreed with me and I am not always up for what feels like a violent debate on my opinion. People are asshole and they don’t like you to feel different then you, so they ram their opinions down your throat instead. 

For too long I worried about people’s feelings, when they blatantly did not care about mine. I stepped up to bat for them over and over again just to have them tear me to shreds when talking about me to others. I would even have the audacity to be HURT when words they said got back to me. 

For too many years I spoke negatively. I used my words to explain the wrongs around me, and not as much about the good things that were surrounding me. I can say that I did this because that’s seems to be the society norm (which it is) but that would be lying. I made a choice. 

It’s time for this all to change. You don’t get to have power over me society. I do. 

It’s time to make the choices that benefit my family and myself. I have neglected myself for far too long to be caught up in societies bullshit anymore. 

What are you waiting for?

That question stops me in my tracks a lot.

I have no real answer. What am I waiting for? It’s like everyone waits around for so much of there lives they forget what they were going to do in the first place.

Working around people who are dying, sooner rather than later, I always hear people talking with regrets.

“I wish I spent more time with my family”

“I wish I would have realized that my work wouldn’t be the one here with me in my last moments”

“I wish that I would have told “___________” that I loved them”

“I wish I would have taken more chances

So what in the world makes us chose to push these plans off? Why have I waited so long to start this blog? Why can I not convince myself to just sit down and write my novel?

Why can’t I decide who I want to be when I grow up? I feel like when I turned 12 I had a better idea of who I wanted to be then I did when I turned 30. Some people like to tell me that it is normal to feel that way, but I don’t. I think that is just crazy.

And yet maybe it is the answer too. At 12, I had no self-doubt. I hadn’t lost my first love yet, I hadn’t become a teenage mom and surely never tried to live on my own with my own bills. Those bills, man do they make you take whatever job that you can get as fast as possible. All of a sudden, those aspirations to the dream job hit the back burner.

So when do you get to pull back the reigns and take control of your own life? Your own destination. What in the world are we waiting for?

Waiting won’t bring prince charming. Waiting won’t pay our bills. Waiting sure won’t make you any happier will it? Waiting doesn’t make your life get any better. It makes it stretch on, same thing every day.

At what point do you just take the leap?

It is the little things that make the difference

Anyone alive can say that the big things that someone does for you can really make you smile. Those are the things that will always be immortalized in pictures, videos or memories.

However, it is the day to day things that make the bigger differences.

The smiles and laughs for sure. The catching the other one watching you feeling. The feeling that you get when you are trying to explain what your thinking, and they totally understand it.

The light and comfortable moods. It is also the handling of each other when they show up in a not so light mood, so that it doesn’t make it worse.

The fights that make it obvious the passion behind it, along with the makeup that hopefully is just as passionate.

Knowing that someone has chosen to think about how it will make your day a little better if they do it instead.  Could even be changing your routine up to actually make sure that your socks make it into the dirty cloths hamper so someone else does not have to go behind you and do it.

It’s knowing that you are appreciated, and saying thank you for the tasks that get taken for granted normally.

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The good outweighs the bad

Today was one of those days that make up for the bad days.

The family was able to keep the fighting to the bare minimum. The teenager gave in to the constant pressure and actually spent time with us. The phone only took over a few times, but that’s much better then constantly.

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The little ones were very agreeable to the various outdoor activities that we accomplished. They only complained and cried for no reason a few times. Piece of cake compared to what I am used to recently.

Don’t get me wrong, I have great kids. I truly love spending time with them and when my  husband can join in, it truly is amazing. Between bike rides, parks and baseball we absolutely kept busy.

You know what that meant?

LITTLE TO NO ELECTRONICS!! I didn’t have to pry them away  from these silly devices that we all are getting a little too addicted to. There is a time and place for everything of course, and I kept everyone a little calmer by giving everyone a hours time after lunch to play on something. I of course napped, because that’s what moms do right?

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This will be the one that makes me smile through the bad days that are bound to sneak up on us.