Today it won

Today was one of those days that started out great. Everything seemed to fall into place. Kids got themselves ready without me having to chase them down at all, everyone remembered everything they needed without anybody having to run like crazy back into the house to search like a maniac for one lost thing or another. I was able to quickly drive out to my walking spot and get in three miles before the heat tried its best to suffocate me.

I got back to my car and once I got in my mind started racing with all of the things that I needed to do during the day. I tried to map out the route between the different stores and plan my time line to make sure that I was able to get everything I needed done before the kids came home.

And then it happened.

For no reason whatsoever, Anxiety decided to join the party. The what if’s started creeping into my plans and I never took the lead after that.

What if I could find better shoes online? Didn’t I need to read as many reviews as possible, and search through all of the different sales and coupon codes first?

What if I bought my teenage son the sweater that I had seen online last night and he hated it. This is a boy who would never say to my face that he doesn’t like something, he will just out it into his closet with a fake smile and it wont surface again until I attempt to clean out his closet again. What a waste of money this could be.

On the other hand, what if I walk into that second-hand shop that I have had my eye on and I end up buying a bunch of things, thinking that they are all great deals, but I get it all home and no one else likes the things that I picked out?

What if my poor dog who seemingly got his anxiety straight from me, was at home eating things like the cereal box that was set next to the trash can instead of broke down and put into the actual recycling bin. He likes to do that.

I went to none of these places. I went home.

I found my favorite TV show and I binge watched it while I drug my computer out to be able to at least act like I was doing some work.

Stupid anxiety.

Fake it til you make it

Inspiration is one of those tricky things these days.

What works one day is not guaranteed to work every other day.

A few years back I made it a point that I needed to laugh each and every day.

I know what you are going to say here.

Some days there is simply nothing to laugh at right? Those are the days that it is even more important to make sure that you do.

I have my own things that are guaranteed to make me laugh every time, but do you?

Is it as simple as looking through the videos on your  phone to be able to see the silly things that have happened in your life? Could be something that your child or pet was doing, or maybe even a friend or colleague.

Maybe you are the type that needs to find videos on Youtube or something similar. My favorite are silly pet video’s. My teenage son has me convinced that America’s Funniest Videos is making a come back (technically I am not positive it ever went away, as much as I just got too busy to find it).

Find something.

You need to keep your head up, with the outlook on life bright. It is really easy to fall down that rabbit hole and never find your way back out.

Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.

 

Choose you thoughts carefully

I have an inner fight every single day to keep my thoughts positive, my feelings neutral and my anger cool. This is not an easy task for me, seeing as I am a reactor. I react to EVERYTHING.  One of the best lessons I was taught growing up came from a teacher I had all the way back in 2nd grade. 

“You may not be able to choose the things that happen to and around you, but you choose everything else. From your reaction, to what you focus on every minute of your day.” 

Treat yourself

You can not love another until you love yourself. 

How many people would you list first if I asked the people you love the most? 

Can you name 5 things you like about yourself? 

Forgive yourself, love yourself, treat yourself right. That teaches you partner to treat you as well. That teaches your kids to treat themselves right and to treat others right. 

It starts and ends with your choices

When I was little, I would always notice that there seemed to be two types of people. 

The first type seemed to consist of people who were always too careful, too worried about other people’s opinions. They did what other people wanted, wore cloths to look like the peeple around them, and tried there best to “Just Fit In”. 

The second type tends to be more rambunctious. They are louder,  they laugh a lot and they seemed to flutter around and talk to everyone. 

Neither group seemed to be very deep into these conversations that they were having. Neither group seemed to really be listening to people, they kept it more superficial but I didn’t understand why. 

I never seemed to fit into those types of groups, and spent a long time thinking something was wrong with me because of that.

But I was wrong. 

For years I stayed around people I didn’t like, because I felt like it made me fit in better. I watched how much I voiced my opinions, because not everyone agreed with me and I am not always up for what feels like a violent debate on my opinion. People are asshole and they don’t like you to feel different then you, so they ram their opinions down your throat instead. 

For too long I worried about people’s feelings, when they blatantly did not care about mine. I stepped up to bat for them over and over again just to have them tear me to shreds when talking about me to others. I would even have the audacity to be HURT when words they said got back to me. 

For too many years I spoke negatively. I used my words to explain the wrongs around me, and not as much about the good things that were surrounding me. I can say that I did this because that’s seems to be the society norm (which it is) but that would be lying. I made a choice. 

It’s time for this all to change. You don’t get to have power over me society. I do. 

It’s time to make the choices that benefit my family and myself. I have neglected myself for far too long to be caught up in societies bullshit anymore. 

What are you waiting for?

That question stops me in my tracks a lot.

I have no real answer. What am I waiting for? It’s like everyone waits around for so much of there lives they forget what they were going to do in the first place.

Working around people who are dying, sooner rather than later, I always hear people talking with regrets.

“I wish I spent more time with my family”

“I wish I would have realized that my work wouldn’t be the one here with me in my last moments”

“I wish that I would have told “___________” that I loved them”

“I wish I would have taken more chances

So what in the world makes us chose to push these plans off? Why have I waited so long to start this blog? Why can I not convince myself to just sit down and write my novel?

Why can’t I decide who I want to be when I grow up? I feel like when I turned 12 I had a better idea of who I wanted to be then I did when I turned 30. Some people like to tell me that it is normal to feel that way, but I don’t. I think that is just crazy.

And yet maybe it is the answer too. At 12, I had no self-doubt. I hadn’t lost my first love yet, I hadn’t become a teenage mom and surely never tried to live on my own with my own bills. Those bills, man do they make you take whatever job that you can get as fast as possible. All of a sudden, those aspirations to the dream job hit the back burner.

So when do you get to pull back the reigns and take control of your own life? Your own destination. What in the world are we waiting for?

Waiting won’t bring prince charming. Waiting won’t pay our bills. Waiting sure won’t make you any happier will it? Waiting doesn’t make your life get any better. It makes it stretch on, same thing every day.

At what point do you just take the leap?

It is the little things that make the difference

Anyone alive can say that the big things that someone does for you can really make you smile. Those are the things that will always be immortalized in pictures, videos or memories.

However, it is the day to day things that make the bigger differences.

The smiles and laughs for sure. The catching the other one watching you feeling. The feeling that you get when you are trying to explain what your thinking, and they totally understand it.

The light and comfortable moods. It is also the handling of each other when they show up in a not so light mood, so that it doesn’t make it worse.

The fights that make it obvious the passion behind it, along with the makeup that hopefully is just as passionate.

Knowing that someone has chosen to think about how it will make your day a little better if they do it instead.  Could even be changing your routine up to actually make sure that your socks make it into the dirty cloths hamper so someone else does not have to go behind you and do it.

It’s knowing that you are appreciated, and saying thank you for the tasks that get taken for granted normally.

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The good outweighs the bad

Today was one of those days that make up for the bad days.

The family was able to keep the fighting to the bare minimum. The teenager gave in to the constant pressure and actually spent time with us. The phone only took over a few times, but that’s much better then constantly.

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The little ones were very agreeable to the various outdoor activities that we accomplished. They only complained and cried for no reason a few times. Piece of cake compared to what I am used to recently.

Don’t get me wrong, I have great kids. I truly love spending time with them and when my  husband can join in, it truly is amazing. Between bike rides, parks and baseball we absolutely kept busy.

You know what that meant?

LITTLE TO NO ELECTRONICS!! I didn’t have to pry them away  from these silly devices that we all are getting a little too addicted to. There is a time and place for everything of course, and I kept everyone a little calmer by giving everyone a hours time after lunch to play on something. I of course napped, because that’s what moms do right?

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This will be the one that makes me smile through the bad days that are bound to sneak up on us.

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