Let them be little

We often forget that the simplest things are the most crucial for a child’s development, happiness and mental health.

Give them space to breathe, freedom to move, loving kindness, opportunities to get messy and make mistakes.

Give them unbridled, joyful time to bond with Mother Nature.

Give them a chance to experience the real contextual and connected moments we all long for.

 

— Nicolette Sowder–

Oh how fast it goes…

Why is it that it is so easy to lose yourself if the parenting experiment portion of our lives?

When you are growing up you work so hard at making a personality that you like and can be seen in public without fear of constant embarrassment or trouble from the powers that be.

And then you meet “The One” and you feel butterflies and happy feelings all over the place. The well thought thru and meticulously planned wedding happens, and you search and search to find the perfect house for your  make believe future family. You attempt to make it look like you are adult enough to decorate your own house, all while secretly scouring the internet and magazine for ideas to steal and make your own.

Then you find yourself peeing on a stick and holding your breathe.

You dream of what type of parent you will be and what type of birth plan should be planned. You have nine months of these thoughts, hopes and intentions.

Within months you realize that those plans mostly hit the fan, starting from the birth plan and ending….. well never.

Parenting is not a planning kind of event. You have great thoughts, and ideas, and if you implement even half of them then you are doing amazing.

Sometimes I think that single parents have the ability to adapt to children faster because they don’t have to fight with another under slept grown adult about whether it is actually that important to stick to the plan.

Then suddenly you blink and they are overtaking everything. The bigger they get, the bigger the obstacles.

I am not saying not to do it, nor am I saying I regret it. I am just saying to stand back and slow down. Keep yourself sane. Some how, some way, find a place that you can just decompress.

Otherwise you lose yourself in this process and find yourself looking back and wishing that you had taken the time to appreciate it a little more. Maybe you could have taken the time to cherish it a little more.  Don’t get me wrong, you will do this anyway of course. However maybe you will have a little less regret if you can figure out how to slow it down, just a little bit.

 

Decisions were made

The other day I was set to figure out what kind of mom decision that I wanted to make. I found myself quickly leaning to the decision to finish my “to do” list around my house. A few hours later I realized that I was actually quite agitated because no matter how detailed my lists became of the things that I was going to do to start knocking things off of the original list, I wasn’t feeling satisfied.  (Yes, I have a list problem. I make lists ABOUT my lists. Then I lose them. Imagine that.)

My body and mind was making the decision for me instead. Almost as if I have subconsciously made the decision to stop screwing myself over.

I spent the next 8 hours typing away trying to finish my novel I am writing. I am so close, I can taste it. Now I am in a position to start looking into how to get my work looked at, edited and all the other fun stuff.

Good thing that Google and YouTube exist to help me figure out my next few steps!

maketherightone

Mom like decisions

When I woke up today I felt something that I wasn’t very used to recently. Today I woke up with motivation.

Motivation to make a difference in my life. It doesn’t have to be gigantic, it just has to be something that helps me feel like this train I am on can start moving forward again and get out of the mud it is stuck in.

So here I am at work, listening to motivating video’s on Youtube and I am trying to decided where I want this train to move to in the first place. I feel scattered as I realize that I cant even focus and decide if I would like to use this motivation for the long list of to do’s I have for my house, or for bigger life decisions.

Recently I made a goal board, also known as a vision board. I found myself drawn to motivational sayings the whole time. I couldn’t even focus my goals for this next year because I feel out of control. The kids control me. I live as a side note in the life of my family.

I was quick to push them for specific goals for the next year, while I gave myself leniency. Why?

It all comes back to the idea that I fell into the easy trap of mom life, as I have realized in other blogs I have posted, and I have forgotten that there are things that I could want just for myself. My wonderful husband has asked me over the years what I want to do to make me happy and I have continuously answered by saying “I am fine how things are” and “I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life”.

So here I am trying to decide if this motivation will be directed towards the normal mom life decision, meaning the to do list of things to do around the house or if it will be directed to what makes me as a person grow.

Decisions, decisions.

Decisions

Should I come with a warning?

I find myself having too deep of conversations with everyone recently. It is almost as if I can’t pull back and just regularly have day to day conversations. When I do it seems like it is just to fill the silence.

I am at this point where my kids are all just old enough to not need me constantly, but young enough to still need supervision.

This leads to me having time to think. Which, don’t get me wrong is a great change from the last few years. However it’s shown me how little I have been able to have deep conversations in the last ten years with having toddlers constantly around.

I was always so proud of my ability to not lose myself to motherhood completely. I honestly thought I had a handle on it. Now looking back, I was clearly wrong.

Over the years, my group of friend had kept me sane. The ability to meet them at the park and talk while our kids played helped all of us The meals we would cook just to have an excuse to get us all around each other. The conversations we had with our kids about how it didn’t matter if they like ‘so-and-so’ because Mommy was friends with their Mommy so they had to get over it.

Then one by one, those friendships fell apart. Some for valid reasons, some not so valid. Some are missed, some are not. All I know for sure is they ended.

So then you find yourself having to still get thru the day to day grind with kids. Work friends become closer friends, better friends then the ones you grew up with in most cases. If you are lucky they will have kids close in ge to yours as well.

But it doesn’t prepare you for how to handle this period in your life. I still have to go to work most days of course. There are still events you have to bring your children to and sports schedules to pull your hair out trying to follow as best as possible. There are family get togethers, and never ending bills stacking up on counter.

However I find myself having the time to honestly learn who I am.

Is there a way to wear a sign that warns people of the possibility of deeper conversations that could occur unintentionally?

Let them be little

Let them be little

So let them be little, cause they will only be that way for awhile.

Give them hope, give them praise, give them love, everyday.

Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle.

Oh, just let them be little.

Lonestar- Let them be little

The Place in my dreams

There are times in your life that you find yourself standing somewhere that you just know you have seen before.

I have had those before, and most the time the place looks like these pictures.

I am drawn to water. Whether it is in my dreams, or in real life I feel the pull.

Who is the real winner here?

So every day i feel like I wage a war on my children, and I am not sad to admit that they seem to win half the time. 

Don’t get me wrong, I win the important ones. I refuse to raise little assholes that do not understand manners and respect. 

I also refuse to dominate and bludgeon their poor souls until they are little robots that only follow commands. 

I enjoy the different personalities, the different strong suites each one of them have, and the ability to learn how to see things thru a childs eye. 

I think that they have taught me more then my overpriced education at the best of the best schools. I have to admit that I may be more willing to learn from these adorable critters then I was the stuffy teachers. 

However the ones that I lose in this war with them teach me the most. 

Sometimes I learn a lesson about my severe lack of patience. 

Other days it is my lack of empathy. 

Some thing else they have taught me is that if I give them the wrong colored cup, or wrong length spoon, that it could destroy our morning in a heartbeat. 

They have taught me to slow down and enjoy things more. The smaller things, like how your belly jumps when you slide down a good slide. Or the way your face just has to contort into a smile when you hit the highest you can go on a swing. 

They have taught me that to be the best mom I can be, I just need to spend time with them. So you have had a long hard day at work, and you just want to sit down and read your book right? Sit beside them. Let them read their own books, or watch their television shows while sitting beside you getting some cuddle time in. 

They are only little for a small time.

Yes it is important that they learn to spend time alone, and occupy their own self, but they also need you. They dont care how clean your kitchen is or what color your walls are. They are not worried about what the scale told you this morning and they are sure not worried about the state of your hair.

 They just want YOU. 

Teaching your younger self

If you could go back and give myself advice at different ages growing up, what would it be?

I would love to go back and tell an extremely self-conscious twelve-year-old that she was beautiful. To stand firm for what she believed and not to let bull-headed teenagers, including herself, get in her way. She had so many plans! She knew what she wanted to do when she was older, had found her first love in a boy who treated her pretty good and other than fighting with her parents every once in a while her life was going pretty smooth. I would teach her to believe in herself, and to realize that everyone has their own body type that they were born with. You just have to learn to love yourself a little more so you can accept and appreciate what you were given.

**You are Beautiful**

I would go back and tell a heartbroken 16-year-old girl who was learning first hand about losing some one she loved that the world will keep turning. Her world was rocked to its absolute core, but she will stand back up and put her pieces back together. I would tell her to be stronger than she had ever been. I would tell her that just because one boy could not wrap his head around staying around to live his life until it got better, that it was absolutely not a reflection of her. I would hold her tight and tell her that despite the miscarriage, despite the loss of the person she thought would be the love of her life, she will survive.

**You are stronger than you will ever realize**

I would go back and tell my 19-year-old self that being a single mom at 19 would not define me. This hiccup would turn out to be the best turning point of her life, and that jackass that chose to walk away from his son would never be able to emotionally or physically harm them again.  I would try to steady her world a bit and help her get her footing settled back into the right direction if I could. However all the times I started in a direction and had to back pedal to try a different path just made me focus a little harder.

**Mistakes are the worlds way of teaching you humility**

I would go back and tell the 22-year-old woman that adoption didn’t have to mean goodbye.  I would help her understand that sometimes the hardest choices are the safest. I would remind her that heartbreak is an old friend by now. And my advice that I would give her would be to give herself a break. Life happens in mysterious ways and it is ok to admit defeat and take some me time. You can’t be a great mom to the one you already have if you aren’t taking care of yourself.

**Forgiveness IS an option.  You are only human.**

I would go back and tell my 25-year-old cynical self that good things can happen. It is easy to become calloused and bitter. Putting up walls to shield your heart is healthy, as long as you have a way to break it down safely. If your wall has become a way to hide from reality in such a way that you can no longer recognize good things when they come your way, you may need rethink some things.  I would tell her to go on that date with the boy she worked with. Let her neighbor bring her flowers. Let that smile happen.

**You ARE worth it. Good things CAN happen to you.**

 

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