Choose you thoughts carefully

I have an inner fight every single day to keep my thoughts positive, my feelings neutral and my anger cool. This is not an easy task for me, seeing as I am a reactor. I react to EVERYTHING.  One of the best lessons I was taught growing up came from a teacher I had all the way back in 2nd grade. 

“You may not be able to choose the things that happen to and around you, but you choose everything else. From your reaction, to what you focus on every minute of your day.” 

Treat yourself

You can not love another until you love yourself. 

How many people would you list first if I asked the people you love the most? 

Can you name 5 things you like about yourself? 

Forgive yourself, love yourself, treat yourself right. That teaches you partner to treat you as well. That teaches your kids to treat themselves right and to treat others right. 

It starts and ends with your choices

When I was little, I would always notice that there seemed to be two types of people. 

The first type seemed to consist of people who were always too careful, too worried about other people’s opinions. They did what other people wanted, wore cloths to look like the peeple around them, and tried there best to “Just Fit In”. 

The second type tends to be more rambunctious. They are louder,  they laugh a lot and they seemed to flutter around and talk to everyone. 

Neither group seemed to be very deep into these conversations that they were having. Neither group seemed to really be listening to people, they kept it more superficial but I didn’t understand why. 

I never seemed to fit into those types of groups, and spent a long time thinking something was wrong with me because of that.

But I was wrong. 

For years I stayed around people I didn’t like, because I felt like it made me fit in better. I watched how much I voiced my opinions, because not everyone agreed with me and I am not always up for what feels like a violent debate on my opinion. People are asshole and they don’t like you to feel different then you, so they ram their opinions down your throat instead. 

For too long I worried about people’s feelings, when they blatantly did not care about mine. I stepped up to bat for them over and over again just to have them tear me to shreds when talking about me to others. I would even have the audacity to be HURT when words they said got back to me. 

For too many years I spoke negatively. I used my words to explain the wrongs around me, and not as much about the good things that were surrounding me. I can say that I did this because that’s seems to be the society norm (which it is) but that would be lying. I made a choice. 

It’s time for this all to change. You don’t get to have power over me society. I do. 

It’s time to make the choices that benefit my family and myself. I have neglected myself for far too long to be caught up in societies bullshit anymore. 

The 3 person relationship

Have you ever noticed that it is always easier to give advice when it is a situation that you are not involved with?

It is easy to see EXACTLY what the problem is with your friends relationship, and you just can not understand why they stay and put up with it right?

So you set to making sure that they understand that you have the solution to their whole relationship, and it is just that your friend has to leave. There is no way that they deserve all of these bad things that you have heard about happening in their life. The other person in this situation clearly is always wrong, and can never do anything right so what in the world are they doing staying in this relationship?

You act like what you are doing is all in good nature, just to try to help them because you know they deserve better. You bite your tongue and then just make sideways comments about how that is just not normal. You listen to them while they are upset, pick them up when they are hurt and you go and pick them up when “they just need to get out.”

So you must know everything that goes on in that relationship right?

Because everyone goes out and bitches to their friends when they did something wrong to someone else right? They openly and easily confess to having the wrong tone of voice, or over reacting to something said to them. Obviously they will tell you when they hurt the other ones feeling by the choices they made right? Or when they forgot (AGAIN) to do something for the other one, that they have been asking for weeks. Everyone downplays the situation when they are the one that has done something wrong.

Amazingly, you are completely forgiving for any of the wrong doing your friend has done, if they have told you.

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DISCLAIMER: If you know that your friend is being physically abused, please step in and do anything to help. I do understand that sometimes, people have incredibly low self-esteem and stay in a bad relationship because they feel that they deserve it. I completely understand and stand behind the idea of making sure that your friend understands their self worth. What I don’t understand is when you continuously bad mouth your friends relationship, because you yourself do not understand how relationships work. You understand one side, not both.  It take’s both sides to make relationship work.

 

Forgiven, but not forgotten

Relationships are hard.

Every one tells you this and it is so easy to nod you head and act like you understand because you have had relationships your whole life right? Right from the moment that you are in the womb, you are having a relationship with the woman who is carrying you. You may or may not be aware of any of it, but it is happening. You have a mother, a father, possibly siblings, grandparents, neighbors, pet, etc. Just to name a few.

You have been able to handle those haven’t you? Sure some have been easier, some harder. Likely have had some fights with some of them, maybe even stopped talking to one or two of them.

I guarantee that you have been hurt by at least one of them right? Maybe a parent not letting you do what you want, or a comment made by someone who struck the wrong cord with you.

These are all relationship’s though right?

Of course.

So you get into your first grown relationship and everything is butterflies, kisses and laughing right? So what happens when it isn’t?

I don’t mean bad as in fists, pushing  and hurting. I mean what happens when you have to WORK for it.

Yelling. Screaming. Tears. Anger. Hurt. HATE.

That same passion that brought you together causes you passionately fight too. Times like this call for some real love because these fights can get super ugly. You spend your whole life knowing that some people are absolutely born to play on the debate club, while others flounder. This is not the time to be floundering my friends.

It also isn’t the time to whip out that sharp shooting tongue either. It can be really easy to just let loose with every insult that you know, but there is a really important lesson to keep in mind here.

People remember what you said. You were hurt, or mad and lashing out, but they were listening.

Words hurt.

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It is the little things that make the difference

Anyone alive can say that the big things that someone does for you can really make you smile. Those are the things that will always be immortalized in pictures, videos or memories.

However, it is the day to day things that make the bigger differences.

The smiles and laughs for sure. The catching the other one watching you feeling. The feeling that you get when you are trying to explain what your thinking, and they totally understand it.

The light and comfortable moods. It is also the handling of each other when they show up in a not so light mood, so that it doesn’t make it worse.

The fights that make it obvious the passion behind it, along with the makeup that hopefully is just as passionate.

Knowing that someone has chosen to think about how it will make your day a little better if they do it instead.  Could even be changing your routine up to actually make sure that your socks make it into the dirty cloths hamper so someone else does not have to go behind you and do it.

It’s knowing that you are appreciated, and saying thank you for the tasks that get taken for granted normally.

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