Should I come with a warning?

I find myself having too deep of conversations with everyone recently. It is almost as if I can’t pull back and just regularly have day to day conversations. When I do it seems like it is just to fill the silence.

I am at this point where my kids are all just old enough to not need me constantly, but young enough to still need supervision.

This leads to me having time to think. Which, don’t get me wrong is a great change from the last few years. However it’s shown me how little I have been able to have deep conversations in the last ten years with having toddlers constantly around.

I was always so proud of my ability to not lose myself to motherhood completely. I honestly thought I had a handle on it. Now looking back, I was clearly wrong.

Over the years, my group of friend had kept me sane. The ability to meet them at the park and talk while our kids played helped all of us The meals we would cook just to have an excuse to get us all around each other. The conversations we had with our kids about how it didn’t matter if they like ‘so-and-so’ because Mommy was friends with their Mommy so they had to get over it.

Then one by one, those friendships fell apart. Some for valid reasons, some not so valid. Some are missed, some are not. All I know for sure is they ended.

So then you find yourself having to still get thru the day to day grind with kids. Work friends become closer friends, better friends then the ones you grew up with in most cases. If you are lucky they will have kids close in ge to yours as well.

But it doesn’t prepare you for how to handle this period in your life. I still have to go to work most days of course. There are still events you have to bring your children to and sports schedules to pull your hair out trying to follow as best as possible. There are family get togethers, and never ending bills stacking up on counter.

However I find myself having the time to honestly learn who I am.

Is there a way to wear a sign that warns people of the possibility of deeper conversations that could occur unintentionally?

Who taught us not to?

“It’s easy to have FAITH everything is going to work out, when everything is working out. It’s much harder to have faith when you are facing challenges in your life. But that is exactly when you need to apply your faith.”

This is the beginning of a speech I heard recently call It will not be easy – But it will be worth it.

I felt this on so many levels. I grew up in a very religious family so on first reading of course I relate this to a religious theme. However the more that I got thinking about it the more I realized that it can be applied to ANYTHING.

We all see the obstacles in front of us as boulders, and those behind us as anthills.

When we are trudging thru our daily life do you beleive in yourself to be able to do things right the first time?

Do you put your faith in the idea that things will work out and you will get thru it, even if it looks daunting?

If not are you the type of person that doubts yourself and never beleives that things will work out in your favor?

The bigger question I face daily is why is it so easy to doubt yourself? What has made us get to the point where we doubt our abilities before choosing to beleive in ourself?

Have faith in your own self.

Beleive in yourself.

Love yourself.

When the world seems heavy

You find the things that help you empty your plate.

You watch the clouds go by with hang out in a hammock.

You sit at the beach with only the waves and birds as music.

Go to your favorite spot, and figure out how to lighten your load.

❤❤

Let them be little

Let them be little

So let them be little, cause they will only be that way for awhile.

Give them hope, give them praise, give them love, everyday.

Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle.

Oh, just let them be little.

Lonestar- Let them be little

The Place in my dreams

There are times in your life that you find yourself standing somewhere that you just know you have seen before.

I have had those before, and most the time the place looks like these pictures.

I am drawn to water. Whether it is in my dreams, or in real life I feel the pull.

Who is the real winner here?

So every day i feel like I wage a war on my children, and I am not sad to admit that they seem to win half the time. 

Don’t get me wrong, I win the important ones. I refuse to raise little assholes that do not understand manners and respect. 

I also refuse to dominate and bludgeon their poor souls until they are little robots that only follow commands. 

I enjoy the different personalities, the different strong suites each one of them have, and the ability to learn how to see things thru a childs eye. 

I think that they have taught me more then my overpriced education at the best of the best schools. I have to admit that I may be more willing to learn from these adorable critters then I was the stuffy teachers. 

However the ones that I lose in this war with them teach me the most. 

Sometimes I learn a lesson about my severe lack of patience. 

Other days it is my lack of empathy. 

Some thing else they have taught me is that if I give them the wrong colored cup, or wrong length spoon, that it could destroy our morning in a heartbeat. 

They have taught me to slow down and enjoy things more. The smaller things, like how your belly jumps when you slide down a good slide. Or the way your face just has to contort into a smile when you hit the highest you can go on a swing. 

They have taught me that to be the best mom I can be, I just need to spend time with them. So you have had a long hard day at work, and you just want to sit down and read your book right? Sit beside them. Let them read their own books, or watch their television shows while sitting beside you getting some cuddle time in. 

They are only little for a small time.

Yes it is important that they learn to spend time alone, and occupy their own self, but they also need you. They dont care how clean your kitchen is or what color your walls are. They are not worried about what the scale told you this morning and they are sure not worried about the state of your hair.

 They just want YOU. 

You can’t make them

Recently I have noticed that when you force people around you to notice the good things that people do, they resist. 

You cant make them do it. 

The only thing that you can do is surround yourself as best as you can with positive things. Cute little sayings on canvas that you can post around your house. Inspirational videos to watch instead of news coverage of the most recent atrocities in the areas near you. Find a way to remove the most negative people around you, in the most effective way possible. Sometimes thats as simple as to stop calling or messaging the person. Block them on social media instead of deleting them. 

Find what makes you happy. Who cares what other people think. Who cares whoe doesnt understand your passions.

 Does it make you happy? 

Does it bring you peace? 

Does it calm your nerves? 

Then do it. 

In a sea of darkness

Have you noticed that it is so much easier to judge someone or something, than it is to be empathetic? It seems as if as humans, we are unable to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and understand what it must be like. Instead, when you look around all you ever see is what is wrong with everything.

What a sad kind of world that we live in when we recognize failures over achievements?

Was there a switch that was flipped somewhere to turn people into the judge and jury singlehandedly without ever hearing the testimony?

Have we finally hit the point in this world where kindness is never coming back? Where we believe that speaking bad about a person looks good on us?

We are so immune to people’s feelings and bodies being hurt that we fully believe that the best thing to do when you are around it is to pull out your phone and record the event?

We don’t want to focus on the horrible things, blocking out the war zones and death tolls in war impacted areas, but we want to capitalize on senseless tragedies that happen closer to home.

We certainly don’t want to focus on the kindness either. So we don’t pay attention to any charitable events or money-raising efforts, unless it is to point out how much of a scam they are.

We certainly can’t trouble ourselves to attend most of these events for the sake of good. Oh no, instead people show up to be able to see for themselves how the efforts being made are being wasted. So we sit there in our classy dress attire, making sure that you look just right for the part, all while judging the color of someone’s dress. The fact that the shoes or purse does not match the outfit. What would have possessed that person to get that haircut? She is too fat for that outfit, or he isn’t buff enough to pull off that shirt. You just can’t believe that the couple that just walked by you are still together, because EVERYONE knows that they fight like cats and dogs, sending him out to cheat and her to drink. Who cares that you have never seen any of that, because if the gossip mill said it, it must be true right?

Does any of this make you think of you? The group of friends that you are around, or maybe even your family?

Shame on you.

Shame on them.

Shame on all of us for letting our world get like this.

We all played a part. Either by participating, or sitting back and watching.

We need to do better.

We deserve better.

Be kind.

Trying new things

In a world that I am surrounded by negative things all the time, sometimes I find myself fighting to find my way above water. I have recently been told more bad news in regards to my health, and I need to find something else to focus on.

So after looking around for a few days I have chosen that I need to get back to yoga. It brings out a calmness in me that I rarely find, while being non strenuous on my body that apparently is made of glass. While I realize that there are different types of yoga, and some are more challenging on the body itself, I will be avoiding those and staying with ones that help me find a little more inner balance instead.

That being said, the only other time that I have done yoga I was being instructed by someone else which is not an option this time. So I am now at the mercy of Youtube. I have found a few pages to follow and I am slowly trying to experiment through some of the beginner videos that they have posted.

I love the process. I love learning new things, and being a student of something that I enjoy. I love forcing others (mainly my children) into doing these things with me because I love listening to their take on something that I enjoy.

If anyone has a favorite Youtube video you would recommend that I try, please let me know.

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