Sometimes it is all about find your happy spot.
Sometimes it is all about find your happy spot.
Life was brought to a screeching halt here in my world recently as a close family member landed themselves in the hospital. This of course is never a planned thing, so the shock of it sent me for a loop. I wanted to be able to keep my head on straight, to be able to be the rock for my family to lean on since I have some medical experiences.
I work hard to keep my emotions on an even keel these last few years after realizing that I was having a hard time controlling my temper at times. I had gotten so good at this that I was recently wondering if I had turned myself into too cold of a person. Instead of finding a middle ground, I was feeling like I tipped the scales completely. I know that everyone faces different control issues, however I take pride in catching onto my problem area’s so that I can work to make myself a better version of me. I am never prouder of people around me that can notice something that they don’t like about themselves and set to work of improving it to something that they can be proud of instead.
This was the first time in quite some time that I found myself unable to hold it together until I was in a “safe space.” As a matter of fact this time I completely fell apart while at work, caught by a few different co-workers. I am not sure about anyone else, but I get really embarrassed when people see me cry. I always have. I was never a person to cry growing up. I would get mad, but not cry.
I used to be able to sit in the car and listen to music to force myself to work through my emotions. A few kids ago I would be able to sit and talk with friends alot more and there is nothing better than talk therapy with friends. However over the years with kids, I have gotten busier as have they. The time to sit and hang out has dwindled down tremendously. I need to work on that part.
The situation with my family member started simple, got extremely scary but has luckily taken a turn for the better. I thank my lucky stars for that fact, but it sure has shown me that I still have weaknesses just like every other person.
Mental Health is not a joke.
Being a person that was born into a family that has not been kissed by any sever mental health disorders, it took me some years to start learning that most people around us have something affecting them daily.
It doesn’t have to have a big fancy name attached to it to mean something. So many people deal with situation depression, situational anxiety and so on.
It’s important to keep in mind that everybody is dealing with their own battles, and it isn’t your job to fix it. You don’t even really have to understand it.
The only job that you are tasked with is to be supportive to those that are battling.
They battle out loud just as much as the battle behind closed doors.
The stigma that surrounds Mental Health anymore is not going to be won in a macro sense until it is handled in a micro way.
That means that you and I have a job to do.
Everyone of us needs to stop staying quite when you see someone suffering.
Take that step. Offer to stand beside the people around you that are struggling.
Stop standing back and letting them battle in silence.
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States in 2017.
Each year 47,173 AMERICANS die by suicide.
There is 1,400,000 Suicide attempts in 2017 alone.
Suicide costs the United States $51 Billion annually.
Men die of suicide 3.5 times MORE than women.
In 2017 firearms accounted for 50.57% off all suicide deaths.
There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts.
An estimated quarter million people each year become suicide survivors.
The average age of the of suicide victims?
MIDDLE AGED WHITE MEN
In the last few years I started to see the toxic relationships that I had kept around me. Little by little I began cleansing my friendships, nurturing the ones that are healthy to both parties and letting go of the ones hurting me.
This hasn’t always been easy. I had to let go a person that my family found themself quite attached to. However it has shown in the growth that has happened since that seperation that it was damaging to all of us.
What I have noticed though is that my children have realized how much one persons negative nature can hold your growth back, and it doesn’t matter what age you are.
They have learned to be positive about more, and stopped always looking to the thing that could go wrong. They see it still, they have always been taught to keep vigilant to the pros and cons of every situation. They just chose to the positive behaviors and choices come through stronger.
I am proud of their strengths and I relish in the growths that I have noticed.
In exchange they learned that parents can have their hearts broken too and come back stronger.
Sometimes life gets heavy enough that I need to find simple ways to be able to pull back. I know that I have spoken on this before but this isn’t a one time a year type of thing. I have noticed that it seems to be worse for me during colder months but we all have them randomly thru the years I assume.
I usually find a few different things to be able to lighten things up and vary between them. Most years it starts with photography and works its way into funny animal videos before ending with being able to watch the television show Funniest home videos. There are times that I add other things in, depending on how I have been feeling in the weeks before this.
Sometimes I watch a lot of Youtube videos that welcome soldiers home. I really enjoy the ones that involve surprising family members with their homecoming. Those are almost always guaranteed to make cry, and sometimes that is exactly what I need at that point.
This time I actually find myself watching movie series obsessively. There are three or four of them that I have fallen in love with over the years and I have been lucky to have them all available to me to watch. Some I own and some I can find on different platforms available to watch, in order. I am positive that my husband thinks that I have lost my mind, seeing as he is not the type of person to watch movies he has already seen very often.
Even though I understand that adult life can be quite monotonous I feel as though I am failing at it. Just like most other adults I struggle to keep my spending under control and pay my bills on time. However I think that I forgot to keep things fun and enjoyable enough to let it all balance out to each other. I find myself more afraid to spend the money on the things I think would be fun, in fear that I would not be able to keep up with bill paying and other necessary needs for my family.
So here I sit, watching my movies instead, on the cable network that I struggle to pay for.
Anyone else get lost watching disney/pixar movies with their kids?
No? Just me?
Thats ok too.
I’ll be here, coloring in my adult try not to swear coloring book with my kids who have disney and superhero books for themself.
Did I mention we are in a self made fort?
As we get closer to Valentines day I want everyone to challenge themselves to spice up the monotony.
Every relationship starts out with butterflies and heart jumps, but you will always get to the stage where its (dare I say it?) boring.
Spice it up.
Life is meant to be lived with smiles and laughter. With love and soft touches. With spontaneity and a sense of adventure.
You are only as old as you let yourself act.
The kids are screaming and running around, alternating between fighting and playing with toy guns and wands.
The dog keeps barking at thin air. Sure one of those times it was the mailman, but all the rest are for absolutely nothing.
The laundry is sitting exactly where I left it, with one load in the washer, one in the dryer. The rest sitting in baskets in front of said machines waiting their turn.
The dishes are piling up in the sink, all dinner ingredients are still sitting in the proper storage spaces they were put after the shopping trip from the other day.
And I am gloriously sitting on the couch, coffee cup in one hand, and a paperback book in another.
This is my idea of bliss during any school vacation.
Who needs sanity anyway?