Sometimes you need the solitude

Sunday morning coffee

Sitting on the porch

Listening to the birds chirping

The gentle breeze swaying the trees

After the week I have had

This is exactly what I need.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

If only I could keep this feeling.

Challenge accepted

As we get closer to Valentines day I want everyone to challenge themselves to spice up the monotony.

Every relationship starts out with butterflies and heart jumps, but you will always get to the stage where its (dare I say it?) boring.

Spice it up.

Dont settle.

Life is meant to be lived with smiles and laughter. With love and soft touches. With spontaneity and a sense of adventure.

You are only as old as you let yourself act.

The Power of individuality

The power of learning to be who you are in the face of judgement is daunting. More daunting than most of us have the strength to admit. Even less of us can say that we have beaten the challenge of overcoming.

I have fleeting moments where this clarity hits me that it just doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. As long as I can live with myself and my family doesn’t have to deal with any repercussions from my decisions it shouldn’t matter.

And yet in the exact next breath I am forced to explain to my kids that other people’s perspective really does matter in some situations. If the home room teacher you get in the fifth grade gets the idea that you are a troublemaker within the first few weeks of class, then they tend to watch you more closely and scrutinize the things that you say in a different light, all year. Of course you can break that mold at any point by showing continuous good behavior but the original perception is always right there in the back of their minds.

The teeter tottering of this subject will always be up for debate, with everybody having different opinions from each other.  Hell, one persons take on this subject will change so frequently that it is hard to imagine that a person would honestly believe that they have a good leg to even stand on in a debate.

We like to thing that it has a simple answer, in a world where there is very few simple questions. In reality it is a highly complex dilemma that we will battle until our dying day.

It doesn’t matter what type of judgement haunts us since we all have different nightmares.

The way we choose to handle them is completely an individual decision however.

 

 

Giving credit where credit is due

When I loved myself  enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy.

This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small.

My judgement called it disloyal.

Now I see it as self-loving.

—KIM MCMILLEN—

Decisions were made

The other day I was set to figure out what kind of mom decision that I wanted to make. I found myself quickly leaning to the decision to finish my “to do” list around my house. A few hours later I realized that I was actually quite agitated because no matter how detailed my lists became of the things that I was going to do to start knocking things off of the original list, I wasn’t feeling satisfied.  (Yes, I have a list problem. I make lists ABOUT my lists. Then I lose them. Imagine that.)

My body and mind was making the decision for me instead. Almost as if I have subconsciously made the decision to stop screwing myself over.

I spent the next 8 hours typing away trying to finish my novel I am writing. I am so close, I can taste it. Now I am in a position to start looking into how to get my work looked at, edited and all the other fun stuff.

Good thing that Google and YouTube exist to help me figure out my next few steps!

maketherightone

Should I come with a warning?

I find myself having too deep of conversations with everyone recently. It is almost as if I can’t pull back and just regularly have day to day conversations. When I do it seems like it is just to fill the silence.

I am at this point where my kids are all just old enough to not need me constantly, but young enough to still need supervision.

This leads to me having time to think. Which, don’t get me wrong is a great change from the last few years. However it’s shown me how little I have been able to have deep conversations in the last ten years with having toddlers constantly around.

I was always so proud of my ability to not lose myself to motherhood completely. I honestly thought I had a handle on it. Now looking back, I was clearly wrong.

Over the years, my group of friend had kept me sane. The ability to meet them at the park and talk while our kids played helped all of us The meals we would cook just to have an excuse to get us all around each other. The conversations we had with our kids about how it didn’t matter if they like ‘so-and-so’ because Mommy was friends with their Mommy so they had to get over it.

Then one by one, those friendships fell apart. Some for valid reasons, some not so valid. Some are missed, some are not. All I know for sure is they ended.

So then you find yourself having to still get thru the day to day grind with kids. Work friends become closer friends, better friends then the ones you grew up with in most cases. If you are lucky they will have kids close in ge to yours as well.

But it doesn’t prepare you for how to handle this period in your life. I still have to go to work most days of course. There are still events you have to bring your children to and sports schedules to pull your hair out trying to follow as best as possible. There are family get togethers, and never ending bills stacking up on counter.

However I find myself having the time to honestly learn who I am.

Is there a way to wear a sign that warns people of the possibility of deeper conversations that could occur unintentionally?