We often forget that the simplest things are the most crucial for a child’s development, happiness and mental health.
Give them space to breathe, freedom to move, loving kindness, opportunities to get messy and make mistakes.
Give them unbridled, joyful time to bond with Mother Nature.
Give them a chance to experience the real contextual and connected moments we all long for.
— Nicolette Sowder–
Why is it that it is so easy to lose yourself if the parenting experiment portion of our lives?
When you are growing up you work so hard at making a personality that you like and can be seen in public without fear of constant embarrassment or trouble from the powers that be.
And then you meet “The One” and you feel butterflies and happy feelings all over the place. The well thought thru and meticulously planned wedding happens, and you search and search to find the perfect house for your make believe future family. You attempt to make it look like you are adult enough to decorate your own house, all while secretly scouring the internet and magazine for ideas to steal and make your own.
Then you find yourself peeing on a stick and holding your breathe.
You dream of what type of parent you will be and what type of birth plan should be planned. You have nine months of these thoughts, hopes and intentions.
Within months you realize that those plans mostly hit the fan, starting from the birth plan and ending….. well never.
Parenting is not a planning kind of event. You have great thoughts, and ideas, and if you implement even half of them then you are doing amazing.
Sometimes I think that single parents have the ability to adapt to children faster because they don’t have to fight with another under slept grown adult about whether it is actually that important to stick to the plan.
Then suddenly you blink and they are overtaking everything. The bigger they get, the bigger the obstacles.
I am not saying not to do it, nor am I saying I regret it. I am just saying to stand back and slow down. Keep yourself sane. Some how, some way, find a place that you can just decompress.
Otherwise you lose yourself in this process and find yourself looking back and wishing that you had taken the time to appreciate it a little more. Maybe you could have taken the time to cherish it a little more. Don’t get me wrong, you will do this anyway of course. However maybe you will have a little less regret if you can figure out how to slow it down, just a little bit.
Have you ever found yourself attracted to the option that wasn’t very popular with the people that surround you?
I seem to always be the odd man out in the things that I like compared to other people around me. From the type of music to the style of cloths and more.
I used to find this embarrassing because I couldn’t even fake it good enough to get away with it. I was always called out on it in some way.
As an adult I look back and appreciate my differences.
I am a unique person and should never have wanted to be out into a pre-formed box.
I spend my every day telling myself to stay out of that box and I hope to teach all my children to do the same.
So every day i feel like I wage a war on my children, and I am not sad to admit that they seem to win half the time.
Don’t get me wrong, I win the important ones. I refuse to raise little assholes that do not understand manners and respect.
I also refuse to dominate and bludgeon their poor souls until they are little robots that only follow commands.
I enjoy the different personalities, the different strong suites each one of them have, and the ability to learn how to see things thru a childs eye.
I think that they have taught me more then my overpriced education at the best of the best schools. I have to admit that I may be more willing to learn from these adorable critters then I was the stuffy teachers.
However the ones that I lose in this war with them teach me the most.
Sometimes I learn a lesson about my severe lack of patience.
Other days it is my lack of empathy.
Some thing else they have taught me is that if I give them the wrong colored cup, or wrong length spoon, that it could destroy our morning in a heartbeat.
They have taught me to slow down and enjoy things more. The smaller things, like how your belly jumps when you slide down a good slide. Or the way your face just has to contort into a smile when you hit the highest you can go on a swing.
They have taught me that to be the best mom I can be, I just need to spend time with them. So you have had a long hard day at work, and you just want to sit down and read your book right? Sit beside them. Let them read their own books, or watch their television shows while sitting beside you getting some cuddle time in.
They are only little for a small time.
Yes it is important that they learn to spend time alone, and occupy their own self, but they also need you. They dont care how clean your kitchen is or what color your walls are. They are not worried about what the scale told you this morning and they are sure not worried about the state of your hair.
They just want YOU.
Recently I have noticed that when you force people around you to notice the good things that people do, they resist.
You cant make them do it.
The only thing that you can do is surround yourself as best as you can with positive things. Cute little sayings on canvas that you can post around your house. Inspirational videos to watch instead of news coverage of the most recent atrocities in the areas near you. Find a way to remove the most negative people around you, in the most effective way possible. Sometimes thats as simple as to stop calling or messaging the person. Block them on social media instead of deleting them.
Find what makes you happy. Who cares what other people think. Who cares whoe doesnt understand your passions.
Does it make you happy?
Does it bring you peace?
Does it calm your nerves?
Then do it.
Taken off an android cell phone, deep filter applied.
Taking the time to notice the small things around me. I have always loved weather patterns, clouds and the effects that it has on people.
These are the days that I like to take headphones, a good book and a water bottle with me out to my stand alone hammock and just relax.
Today I challenged myself to spend time alone. As a young mom who continued to have children for many years, I never gave myself time to learn who I was.
I continue to challenge myself to shed old skin and become who I want to be, not who I was forced to be. I love my children beyond any words, however I lost myself.
Now it’s time to find me.
Making the decision to make changes or try something new is hard. This idea to put my feelings, my thoughts, my inner peace onto paper for everyone to read is daunting.
My opinions can be different from yours.
My feelings can feel different than yours.
My eyes can see the same thing that your eyes see, but I can still see it different than yours.
I can still say it. I can still put my pretty little fingers to these nice keys and type it out. I can still express my thoughts.
So can you.