What are you waiting for?

That question stops me in my tracks a lot.

I have no real answer. What am I waiting for? It’s like everyone waits around for so much of there lives they forget what they were going to do in the first place.

Working around people who are dying, sooner rather than later, I always hear people talking with regrets.

“I wish I spent more time with my family”

“I wish I would have realized that my work wouldn’t be the one here with me in my last moments”

“I wish that I would have told “___________” that I loved them”

“I wish I would have taken more chances

So what in the world makes us chose to push these plans off? Why have I waited so long to start this blog? Why can I not convince myself to just sit down and write my novel?

Why can’t I decide who I want to be when I grow up? I feel like when I turned 12 I had a better idea of who I wanted to be then I did when I turned 30. Some people like to tell me that it is normal to feel that way, but I don’t. I think that is just crazy.

And yet maybe it is the answer too. At 12, I had no self-doubt. I hadn’t lost my first love yet, I hadn’t become a teenage mom and surely never tried to live on my own with my own bills. Those bills, man do they make you take whatever job that you can get as fast as possible. All of a sudden, those aspirations to the dream job hit the back burner.

So when do you get to pull back the reigns and take control of your own life? Your own destination. What in the world are we waiting for?

Waiting won’t bring prince charming. Waiting won’t pay our bills. Waiting sure won’t make you any happier will it? Waiting doesn’t make your life get any better. It makes it stretch on, same thing every day.

At what point do you just take the leap?

Don’t settle for any less

You deserve the sun. 

You deserve the sky. 

You deserve to be treated with respect. 

You deserve to be treated with dignity. 

You deserve to be loved the way you love them.  

 You deserve to take up space in this world. 

You deserve the right to be authentic. 

You deserve the right to speak your mind. 

You deserve the right to pick what makes you happy, without judgement. 

You deserve to be treated like a god or goddess. 

You deserve to be deliriously happy. 

You deserve it all. 

Don’t settle for any less. 

Compromise 

Compromise

That has to be the hardest word in a relationship.

It isn’t even just found in romantic relationships, it can also be seen in friendships, coworkers, parenting and so on.

Two people will never agree on everything. That’s not how people are made. We were made to be unique, with our own working minds and hearts.

So how do you put two people together in a relationship of any type and expect them to stay together for long periods of time? Compromising is the only real answer. You can come up with a few other answers of course, but this is a huge part as well. I think compromise and respect have to come hand and hand.

If you don’t have the respect for each other to be able to listen, acknowledge and discuss the issue at hand, then the compromise will never happen, and the issue instead will continue.

Yes there are limits. Yes you can compromise too far to one side sometimes. It is a balancing act to find the middle, and make sure that the same person is not always bending too far.

That’s not compromise. That’s manipulation.

It’s easy in your first relationships to have this happen because maybe you just don’t know any better. However, if the other person loves you enough, respects you enough, they should never let it happen in the first place.

Nobody is asking you to give up your opinions, feelings, wants or expectations either. There is no reason for you to ask the other person to do so either.  

Silence will never be the answer either. If you sit and watch your partner or person in question continue to struggle, and choose to say nothing, then you have already let your opinion be known. People recognize that reaction, and react accordingly in response. A surefire way to show your lack of respect is silence. The inability to grant them the ability to say why they feel the way that they feel, or why they act the way they did is demeaning.

If you don’t agree with their opinion, explain that to them.  You cannot expect someone to read your mind, just as they will never be able to read yours. By choosing to yell, or not respond, you are asking for the problem to continue.

I won’t speak for everyone, but I know that in my life when compromise does not happen and someone continues to feel slighted or ignored, it brings resentment.

It’s harder to work back from resentment then it would have been to have had the conversation instead.

Let it all hang out

In a world where I have always been very outgoing, I have never really understood someone’s decision to become or stay introverted. 

I mean why if given the choice, would you chose to spend time alone versus time with friends and family? Having people around tends to lead to laughter and a general sense of well being in opinion. I have spent most of my life being told that laughter is the best type of medicine. 

I never had to worry about going out to eat by myself. I never gave thought to going for walks by myself since I had an endless supply of people to call that would accompany me. When I was home alone I quickly got on the phone with a friend or blared music and danced around like an idiot. 

As a reader, even when no one was available to hang out or talk on the phone, I always had a different dimension of friends. I would open a book and fall into this alternate universe where I was not bound to the chains of my little town. I would find joy, love, peace, sadness  and anger within the chapters that I hungrily plowed thru. 

When that didn’t interest me any longer, I began writing my own. First it was short stories, normally about a young girl like myself finding the love of her life and living happily ever after. When things in my life started to not look so bright, the stories felt the same treatment. The more often I wrote,  the more often I wanted to write. Soon I would lose hours a day into these characters that I would make up, causing my friends to think I was crazy. 

The books got longer, more complex, less romantic. That’s when I started to notice another trait about myself. Strangely for such a confident person who was loud and crazy, even on stage in front of a crowd, I couldn’t share my work. I became fiercely protective of it and would bite people’s heads off for trying to catch a glimpse. 

When I finally started to share any part of my writing I noticed it was similar to trying to tell someone my deepest darkest secrets. The biggest problem here I think is that if the person I shared with had ANY negative thing to say about what I had written, I hated them for it. It wasn’t friendly criticism in my eyes. They had betrayed me. Fiercely. I had no idea how to handle those feelings. 

It started to get to the point that I would let someone read it, to spell check or edit it, and then I would receive it back and throw it in a drawer. I wouldn’t look at it for weeks, months even. I am positive that I still have some laying around in totes that I saw too many handwritten notes on my beautifully typed manuscript. 

I still write, pretty often actually. I have gotten no better at handling people’s opinions on these stories that I make out if pieces of me. I have never brought my writing anywhere to have someone outside of my family edit it, which I like to blame on money but I trully believe is just plain fear of rejection in any form. 

This blog is meant to help me overcome the fear of other people reading things I write. This is my middle ground at attempting to believe in my own writing. 

Side note to all of this, is that as I have gotten a little older I have become more introverted myself. I now have found it awkward to hang around big groups of people and have noticed my own social circle has deflated quite a bit. Some by choice, some by disagreements that were too powerful to ignore, and others by death. I finally have learned that the good side of spending time alone is the ability to get to know your own self.